Jonah Platt
ARTICLES
Film
WAWA-WEEWAH
Like Steve Nash or a fine wine, Clint Eastwood is getting better and better in his old age.
A companion piece to October's Flags of Our Fathers, Letters from Iwo Jima tells the story of the infamous World War II Battle of Iwo Jima from the point of view of the Japanese soldiers.
The Dos and Don'ts of Studying for Midterms
Do:
Trade sex for grades. Unless it's with that Wharton professor.
Get high the night before because it will "expand your mind . man."
Arrange all your pencils, calculators, pens, erasers and timing devices in perfect order (with granola bars!) so that you are "prepared" to go to your exam in the morning.
Best of the munchies
I'm faded right now. These are the 10 things I want to eat. Trust me on these. You won't be sorry.
Kraft Easy Mac
It's creamy, cheesy and, as the name suggests, easy to make.
Lowbrow
Right on/Fuck you
Oh theeeeeere you are! After what seems like months of hibernation, it is lovely to see your shining face again, o' glorious Sun.
Lowbrow
Fling haikus
When beer flows like wine,
And grass is littered with trash,
I puke in my hair.
Fried Oreos and
Funnel Cake stick to my shirt
Oh God, so wasted.
People getting nude,
Everybody is horny,
Sucks for Team Fling Safe.
I ate a brownie
And now I am high as shit
Feel force flow to hand!
Lowbrow
New olympic sports
Human curling -- Just like actual curling, except instead of that weird iron-on-a-piece-of-rock thing, you use midgets.
Make yellow snow and eat it -- It means eat your own pee!
Lowbrow
Super bowl for dummies
We understand that football is not everyone's cup of tea, so here are some fail-safe phrases to mask the fact that you know absolutely shit about football.
When They Say...
"I bet Hines Ward is going to go off for over 100 yards." "I enjoy watching Hines Ward excel at the game that he plays."
"Ten bucks says Roethlisberger can't keep his completion percentage at 63%." "I am a big fan of completion percentages.
Lowbrow
Red, White and Bluth
The word on the street is that you, Penn students, have f*cked up. You've neglected the masterpiece that is Arrested Development. Despite volumes of critical praise and six Emmy's including Outstanding Comedy Series, you've refused to watch this brilliant program.
Top Ten Worst Things to find in your Halloween candy bag:
10 An anchor - this would make your bag very heavy. If you ask for candy, and someone gives you an anchor, simply reply that you appreciate the gesture, but you'd rather have a Twix than an anchor because a Twix is small and tastes like childhood while an anchor is large and tastes like barnacles.
9 Jimmy Hoffa - this too would make your bag very heavy.
Lowbrow
Penn Drinking Game
Round 1 -- The Obvious
1. For every Jew in the room, take a shot.
2. For every kid from the tri-state area, take a shot.
3.
Lowbrow
The Spectaguard Spectrum
Mischievious -- Do you think the kids would notice if I take off my pants? Yeah, they would. It's hard not to notice my love-baton.
Afraid -- Oh man.
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