Ilena Parker

I was eating an entire box of Popsicles in one sitting when I realized: I am obsessed with Popsicles.
April 21, 2005 at 12:00 am

When you miss a 34th Street editor's meeting, one of your co-editors will think it's funny to tell everyone you're writing a column about life, so then you have to write a column about life. This column, everyone, is about life. I've only attempted something so ambitious once before.
April 14, 2005 at 12:00 am

The thing about smoking bans, like the one Mayor John Street will push in this coming legislative session, is that they go over so well with the masses because it's hard for opponents to define their opposing principles without it being all about me. I smoke because it looks cool.
January 20, 2005 at 12:00 am

My life as I know it started with My Girl. That movie was a wake-up call. When I saw Macaulay Culkin get stung by those bees and die, I realized that I, too, might have a fatal allergy to bee stings, and might not even know it until I got stung by a bee and died.
November 4, 2004 at 12:00 am