Lowbrow

I'm back. I know, I know, you probably didn't realize I was gone. But seriously, I was. I was in Costa Rica, in fact, for a cousin's wedding.
March 18, 2004 at 12:00 am

I quit smoking at least 15 times a day. On good days, my abstinence lasts two hours; on bad days, two minutes.
March 18, 2004 at 12:00 am

I am a goy. It's true, so I might as well confess. As an Episcopalian hailing from the great state of North Carolina, my prior knowledge of Judaism came mostly from the Old Testament.
February 26, 2004 at 12:00 am

I've never been so frustrated in my life. And that is saying a lot -- I once threw salt in my best friend's eyes because I was confused about a riddle he was telling me.
February 26, 2004 at 12:00 am

The other day my friend Ariel and I hosted a negativity party. This sounds bad, but it was not. I am bored, so parties excite me. There are times in my life when I am just ready to get where I am going.
February 26, 2004 at 12:00 am

In high school all of my friends got into the whole AIM thing fairly early on. They would say to me, "When are you going to get AIM?" "AIM is awesome," or, "The other day I was talking to ____ on AIM and he/she said _____!
February 26, 2004 at 12:00 am

I am not the cool person you may have thought me to be. In fact, I used to be a dork. Even today, some of my coolness is a put-on.
February 19, 2004 at 12:00 am

1. Your cell phone goes off in class. You: a. Wait. This would never happen. You always turn it off before class. b.
February 19, 2004 at 12:00 am

Kalen Lister. Prettiest smile. Lucy Gallun. Well, it's just a side view-profile shot, but she looks really attractive.
February 19, 2004 at 12:00 am

A friend once suggested that if I really hated vegetarians I should walk around campus with a cow in tow.
February 12, 2004 at 12:00 am

CAVEAT: The views expressed in the following belong only to the individuals submitting the ads and do not necessarily reflect the views of 34th Street Magazine and its editors.
February 12, 2004 at 12:00 am

A great man once said that, "Love is like a box of chocolates -- by the time you get to the creamy ones, you've already hit it with all the nuts and you're just plain sick of the whole thing." Or something like that -- I've never been good with accuracy, which is probably why the DP never lets me write for them.
February 12, 2004 at 12:00 am

We've all done things we regret. President Bush did something he regrets, and now he's president of the United States instead of commmisioner of Major League Baseball.
February 5, 2004 at 12:00 am

I'm not really a political person. Sure, I try to stay informed, but the majority of my world news comes from skimming articles on the Internet and The Daily Show. I'm more into local news shows, i.e.
February 5, 2004 at 12:00 am

Have no fear. The situation may look bleak as you now stand alone, exiled from the Greek community. But let's be honest.
February 5, 2004 at 12:00 am

Postcards are a complicated matter. First, you have to find the perfect picture for the picture side.
February 5, 2004 at 12:00 am

A few days ago, the father of a friend of mine came to visit. This loving father -- we'll call him "Dale" to protect the innocent -- visits his son a few times a year, and I have always looked forward to his visits.
January 29, 2004 at 12:00 am

Hi. I'm the new editor-in-chief. Apparently, this is a good thing for me. According to a former section editor on staff here, it will help me to meet nice, wholesome girls who will believe (wrongly, I might add) that I'm both artsy and directed.
January 22, 2004 at 12:00 am

@Street Text:For whatever reason, I feel like I've been wanting you all my life. You don't understand, I'm so glad we're at the same place at the same time... How do you tell someone you like her?
January 22, 2004 at 12:00 am

Religious Shoutouts: everything you ever wanted to tell Penn, religiously. CAVEAT: The views expressed in the following belong only to the individuals submitting the ads, and do not necessarily reflect the views of 34th Street Magazine and its editors. Satan, your history class despises you; we'd be indescribably grateful if you just shut the fuck up and never, EVER spoke again, you snobbish, devilish, patronizing, low-talking, ass-kissing, awful, awful, awful bitch. Freshman Pharisee player and Jezebel who were naked in Pontius P-zilot's bed Saturday: We're sorry we barged in and fucked with you while you were hooking up.
December 4, 2003 at 12:00 am