Lowbrow

After college, age matters in a different way than it does while one is an undergraduate. Some people have their first kid at 23; some at 41; some never.
March 31, 2005 at 12:00 am

My friend Stamos and I were jogging through West Philadelphia when we were stopped by four males unaffiliated with the university.
March 31, 2005 at 12:00 am

10. You don't read this page anyways. 9. It will waste 38 valuable seconds of your life. 8. We wrote it in less than 38 seconds. 7.
March 31, 2005 at 12:00 am

Even among the slew of second hand shops lining South Street, being thrifty is difficult. To cheaply satisfy any and all of your purchasing needs, save on cab fare and look no further than S.
March 31, 2005 at 12:00 am

Easter Bunny Occupation: Laying eggs Hobbies: Rapid reproduction, stealing Jesus' thunder Mortal enemy: Israel Sexual position: Doo-Doo Rocket Celebrity look-alike: Vince Vaughn Favorite movie: Chocolat Can't live without: March Madness Place of birth: Beaches of Normandy Analysis: C'mon, everyone knows bunnies lay golden eggs. Santa Claus Occupation: Breaking and entering Hobbies: Checking things twice, judging children, enslaving Will Ferrell, Twinkies Mortal enemy: Hanukkah Harry Sexual position: G-Spot Jiggy Celebrity look-alike: Burt Bacharach Favorite movie: Amores Perros Can't live without: Carbs Place of birth: The Nile Analysis: I killed a man and still got presents. Tooth Fairy Occupation: Disgruntled dental student Hobbies: Collecting shark teeth and stamps Mortal enemy: The Floss Fairy Sexual position: The Soft Rock Celebrity look-alike: Jude Law Favorite movie: The Birdcage Can't live without: Oral fixation Place of birth: Mount Sinai Hospital Analysis: All little kids are deep sleepers. Leprechaun Occupation: Perpetuating Irish stereotypes Hobbies: Amateur meteorologist, corporate sell-out, bartending at O'Malley's Mortal enemy: Protestants Sexual position: Chicken Soup of the Sack Celebrity look-alike: Colin Farrel Favorite movie: Boondock Saints Can't live without: Skittles Place of birth: Ireland Analysis: The so-called luck of the Irish: potato famines, cirrhosis of the liver, the IRA, Bono. Bigfoot Occupation: Debunking Yeti myths Hobbies: Stomping around, solitaire Mortal enemy: Kodak Sexual position: The Amazing Butterfly Celebrity look-alike: Charlize Theron Favorite movie: The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon Can't live without: Leaves of Grass Place of birth: Millenium Falcon Analysis: It's not safe to not wear shoes anymore, with like used hypos all over the ground and stuff.
March 24, 2005 at 12:00 am

After sloshing down a few too many cosmos, my friend Grant likes to make serious life-altering decisions on the Internet.
March 24, 2005 at 12:00 am

When I was little my mom overheard two other mothers talking in the elevator of my elementary school.
March 24, 2005 at 12:00 am

Woof. Chirp. Meow. These are common sounds house pets make. Or maybe we should ask the real experts: college kid know-it-all's who actually have pets at school.
March 17, 2005 at 12:00 am

There is a battle going on right now at Penn, and I am losing. Still, I haven't given up the fight. In fact, I think that once we soldiers return from the Diaspora, we may be able to live in symbiosis again.
March 17, 2005 at 12:00 am

Yeah, so I don't really like to talk about it because it's not that big of a deal to me or anything, but, yes, it's true: I won the Geography Bee in fifth grade.
February 24, 2005 at 12:00 am

Sometimes you get so out of shape that you forget you're out of shape. Initially, you don't exercise for a couple weeks and think, "I'm getting really fat, perhaps I should go to the gym." If it goes on for a month or two, though, the lack of exercise institutionalizes itself.
February 24, 2005 at 12:00 am

It's a state that some are and some aren't. Penn's big, sure, and it's sort of diverse in its own quaint way.
February 24, 2005 at 12:00 am

The first time Trina and I talked, things seemed bad. Okay, they didn't seem bad. They seemed awful.
February 17, 2005 at 12:00 am

I don't blame us. We're products of an MTV phenomenon; a generation enthralled by glossy magazine covers and the cheapest road to fame.
February 17, 2005 at 12:00 am

President George W. Bush spent most of the '80s watching Alf, Who eats cats like MC Hammer, Who is (morally) bankrupt like America, Who is one nation, under God, Who is the creator of all things (including parachute pants, puppies, paganism, alliteration and George Washington). Yona's favorite song is "Mambo #5" by Lou Bega, Who has never met Derek Jeter, Who has the same first name as Derek Zoolander, Who is a assassin/male model like John Wilkes Boothe, Who (apparently) was roommates with Abraham Lincoln in college.
February 17, 2005 at 12:00 am

Editor's Note: Because of sheer volume, Street could not publish every shoutout received. However, let it be known that by popular demand, Wharton douchebags, blonde nursing students and people with abrasive voices should stop talking in classes.
February 17, 2005 at 12:00 am

Dear First Love: I met you at a LAN war in the University's student union building. I was 17. You were 18. I didn't even know what a LAN war was, but I saw men in trench coats loading computers and AV equipment into a room, and thought, "Wow!
February 10, 2005 at 12:00 am

Valentine's Day is a lot like New Year's, only New Year's allows enough leeway for you to convince yourself you made some progress.
February 10, 2005 at 12:00 am

I am a product of several formative TV sitcoms and am subsequently a victim of low self-esteem. I'm not alone in hoping my grown-up life would be a hybrid of witticisms, caustic detachment and the kind of eloquent self-introspection that not only generates successful romances, but also elicits hero-worship from my girl friends.
February 10, 2005 at 12:00 am

There's something about that first warm day of spring at Penn. I don't know if it's because, as my friend Jessy claims, Philadelphia's spring is a weird, humid warmth that's unlike the Manhattan spring I'm used to, or if it's just because even the short winter at school feels oppressive.
February 10, 2005 at 12:00 am