Lowbrow

There are an estimated 800 to 1000 smokers in the Penn undergraduate body. They are some of Penn's best and brightest.
January 31, 2008 at 12:00 am

American Spirit: You just love the "rich, full-bodied" taste of this cig. Listening to Phish and playing hackey sack only seem to enhance the experience.
January 31, 2008 at 12:00 am

To the guy that bought all those screwdrivers at CVS: Whatcha gonna do with all those? To Ben Franklin: Your idea of a secularized university is ludicrous.
December 6, 2007 at 12:00 am

Oh the poor writers. POOR, POOR, writers. Their plight seems to be never-ending; their struggle for 4 more cents on DVD sales really rivals that of the "Little Rock Nine." One can't understand their daily toil of getting up at noon, smoking a joint, cranking out ten pages of a script, napping, going out to a bar and then repeating it all again the next day.
November 29, 2007 at 12:00 am

Demands: * A salary over $25,000 (yes, Wharton students we make as much in one year as you will make in 3 months) * Dental and 401(k) * 1 week paid vacation * A bonus that is NOT swag you got from The Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards * Gas money * To be addressed by name.
November 29, 2007 at 12:00 am

Get the mag
November 15, 2007 at 12:00 am

To the girl in my creative writing class who wrote her personal essay about how hard it is to be beautiful: Would it help if I told you that you're not actually that pretty?
November 8, 2007 at 12:00 am

I had a dream. It involved two birds, a chipmunk, some Vaseline and a bottle of Goldschlager. Unfortunately for dreams, they don't come true.
November 1, 2007 at 12:00 am

Nicolas Sarkozy: Realizes he's not quick, slick, nor is his neck as incredibly thick as Gaston's. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Senator Larry Craig in the Tehran Airport bathroom. Mitt Romney: Loses Republican nomination to Rudy Giuliani in a much publicized, highly contested tickle fight. Al Gore: Discovers that the new Toyota Hybrid runs on spotted owls. Kim Jong-il: Doesn't meet height requirement for Splash Mountain. Gordon Brown: Is not a crayon! Rick Santorum: Spice Girls reunion tour cancelled!!!! Nicolas Sarkozy: Realizes he's not quick, slick, nor is his neck as incredibly thick as Gaston's.
November 1, 2007 at 12:00 am

This weekend, hundreds of alums will be swarming campus, aching to relive their Penn experiences. Whether you are a freshman interested in hooking up with someone borderline too-old for you (unless you're fifteen, in which case, keep your mace handy!), a senior looking to relive your glory days as a freshman girl, or you've just plain run out of people to hook up with on campus, homecoming weekend is prime time to get some action.
October 18, 2007 at 12:00 am

Today at the University of Pennsylvania, President Amy Gutmann revealed the direction of the university's newest fundraising campaign.
October 18, 2007 at 12:00 am

We all know the usual: don't drive, don't urinate in public, don't text. But during homecoming weekend there's a new set of "don'ts" to ensure you'll still have that alum interview for JP Morgan. DON'T Pet Alum's Babies: They might have furry hair and be on a leash, but it's scary to chase them down Locust. Steal Toast: There's no way to pull this one off stealthily.
October 18, 2007 at 12:00 am

It is well known amongst the French Canadians how the world has come to be. I say this to you with all the sincerity in my heart and all the hope and love for everyone and everything in the world.
October 4, 2007 at 12:00 am

So maybe you aren't one of His chosen people, but that shouldn't stop you from getting a free trip to the holy land, right?
October 4, 2007 at 12:00 am

For the Host: Choose a theme: Figure out what you're going to celebrate ahead of time - Birthday? Anniversary?
October 4, 2007 at 12:00 am

The Fall/Winter trends are no longer reserved for secular students! Here's how you chosen ones can update your B.C.
October 4, 2007 at 12:00 am

GoogleMan24: Hi. smarterchild: Glad to see you again, Eric. We haven't chatted in over a week. Hope you've been well. GoogleMan24: I've been great, smarterchild, everything at Google is fantastic.
September 27, 2007 at 12:00 am

WATCH OUT! Google is about to infiltrate your vocabulary - or should we say your 'Google-abulary'! Sing it out loud: "Ain't no google like a west coast google 'cuz a west coast google don't stop!" Sum up your thoughts: "So I was at this party, I met a guy and google, google, google, I'm four months pregnant." Laugh with friends: "Oh my god, I think Tom just googled his pants." Express your emotions: "And then he just shot his wad of google all over my FACE!" Describe your deepest desires: "I'm so high I could eat a googlePLEX of that beef jerky." Announce your anger: "Stop eating all the beef jerky before I google slap you across your mouth!" Mourn the loss of a loved one: "I can't believe College Pizza is gone.
September 27, 2007 at 12:00 am

1. You can bring your dog to work, even if it's ugly. 2. You're never more than 100 ft. from a snack. 3.
September 27, 2007 at 12:00 am

Dear Googlers, Seriously guys, what the fuck? You punks disgust me, you sick group of morally depraved sociopaths.
September 27, 2007 at 12:00 am