Lowbrow

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a Humpty who was just so Dumpty And asked Miss Muffet to play “Little Miss Muffet, come sit on my tuffet I know how to make your day” “Oh Mr. Dumpty won’t you please Humpt-me? I won’t even ask you to pay” After their lovin’ A bun in the oven Was a surprise to one and all But it didn’t stop there They just didn’t care One wasn’t enough at all Nine more babies A plague, like rabies Made Muffet and Dumpty mad “Why did we do it? We didn’t think through it! Adding more people was bad” Overpopulation Is no vacation It makes us very sad But that’s what you get When you forget There is limited space on earth So stop having kiddies You fat ugly biddies Life without children is mirth Don’t make like these two Have less than a few Our planet needs no more birth.
March 25, 2009 at 9:01 pm

Tory Burch: A perfect princess deserves her pretty pink throne. But don’t let the bed fool you, innocence stops at the frills. Ben Franklin: “Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” Ben clearly valued time spent in bed, making the perfect boudoir of utmost importance.
March 18, 2009 at 10:29 pm

Penn regurgitates some pretty impressive peeps, yo. You should aspire not only for their powers in the boardroom, but also their prowess in the bedroom.
March 18, 2009 at 10:18 pm

February 18, 2009 at 11:31 pm

postulaTORY is avoiding her ex on V-Day who keeps attempting to win her back with insider-y references and stalker-like moves.
February 18, 2009 at 11:29 pm

February 18, 2009 at 11:11 pm

February 18, 2009 at 11:09 pm

Kitchen closes at 6 pee em Then you say to customers: ahem ahem hem Metropolitan Bakery you are So close and yet so far Up Walnut Street I skip To have a tasty sip of your Peruvian drip Still scared am I to spill (Though it may be half the thrill) And though your bread may be old I’m just too hungry to scold
February 4, 2009 at 11:23 pm

TO A WAWA SLUSHIE You are bounteous in icy composition Red 5, corn syrup — nothing but the best I crave you Cherry?
February 4, 2009 at 11:18 pm

I am sad. I am melancholy. You’d think I’d be sprightly. What, with my colorful combinations and my bittersweet rosemary balsamic honey mustard garb?
February 4, 2009 at 11:16 pm

To the assistant women’s soccer coach: If you serve it into my box, I’ll finish every time. To the KapSig who convinced a freshman to take it in the ass because “that’s what college girls do when they have their periods”: Why not just ask one of your brothers? To the girls with the stripper pole right by your window: Just know that we skip Shabbat dinner every week to watch your sexy Friday night show.
November 20, 2008 at 3:44 am

I started the day off hungry, so I asked someone where I could get something to eat. They told me, "Try Houston!" I'm pretty sure they were messing with me though: Houston is so far away!
November 13, 2008 at 9:18 pm

We’ve supplied you with four celebrity heads, two anatomically correct bodies and a multitude of mix ’n’ match ensembles: a traditional all-denim Canadian tuxedo, Renaissance Fair couture and entry-level hipster gear.
November 9, 2008 at 6:32 pm

The Amish Mormons Feminists Farm hands People that eat at Qdoba Vegans Freegans (actually Pagans) The Real Le Ahn Daniel Radcliffe in Equus
October 30, 2008 at 3:25 am

For Sale: Large wooden wardrobe filled with cloaks — 3 cashmere, 1 velour. For Rent: Sacrificial gathering space.
October 30, 2008 at 3:24 am

Your goblet overfloweth with frothy mead at this favorite polytheistic haunt. While you wait, enjoy hors d’oeuvres and h’orgies.
October 30, 2008 at 3:23 am

October 30, 2008 at 3:22 am

Diabetes Things are different now that you regulate your own blood sugar. Always choose sugar-free whipped cream for your make-your-own-sundae fantasies.
October 23, 2008 at 2:38 am

AP Florida — The AIDS virus is spreading at an alarming rate in elderly resort communities in Delray Beach, sources say.
October 23, 2008 at 2:37 am

Ladies and gentlemen, we are all going to get old. And annoying. Inevitably, as we age, our genitals will shrivel and our gender lines will blur.
October 23, 2008 at 2:33 am