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Tweeting in the cold is hard to do
February 4, 2014 at 10:49 am

Fresh from a holiday in Palm Springs, Penn’s very own sex guru has returned to answer your questions. Mama’s back, children.
January 30, 2014 at 9:47 am

“Are you a freshman?” I slurred through a vodka cranberry haze as I flirted with the first hot guy I met during NSO this semester.
January 30, 2014 at 9:20 am

Vegetarian JAP: Don’t tell anyone, but I had chicken last night. And I wasn’t drunk.
January 30, 2014 at 9:14 am

I said BRRR. It’s cold in here. There must be some gossip in the atmosphere. The temperature may be dropping, but Highbrow is just heating up.
January 30, 2014 at 9:04 am

Do you wanna be on top?
January 28, 2014 at 8:58 am

Our favorite moments of the beginning of spring seMEHster
January 23, 2014 at 10:06 am

Penn publication editor: Who wrote this, an immigrant?
January 23, 2014 at 9:14 am

Eat something for lunch other than a bagel from Mark’s/ No more sex in cabs/ Finally get with the boys on the Radian 14th floor/ Tell my thesis advisor what I really think of her/ Have sex in the bathroom of all four campus bars/ Stop farting in public/ Understand foreskin/ Stop hooking up with guys I can’t stand/ Stop pretending not to know people on Locust/ Be less bitchy to my mother/ Stop apologizing so much/ Use one weight machine at Pottruck without embarrassing and injuring myself (or others)/ Actually remember all the fun I have when I wake up the next morning/ Skinny dip in the Schuylkill/ Learn how to walk in heels/ Do something for someone else every day/ Know what is going on in the world beyond Penn/ Go to an Elmo naked party...naked this time/ Start working out during the mornings/ Stop walking from Starbucks to Van Pelt to Williams back to Starbucks looking for a place to study/ Stop walking around aimlessly in general/ Stop trying to run into that single person on Locust/ Cook more meals at home/ TEAR DOWN THE PATRIARCHY/Make THEOS irrelevant/ Ensure that the Wizard of Farts graduates so his power never sees Locust Walk again/ Stop only dating Jewish boys/ Stop hooking up with boys in the same lineage/ Stop reading CollegiateACB/ Get fucked in the ass more (or is that not highbrow enough?)/ Be fucking happy/ Have sex with a TA/ Learn that pizza isn’t a reliable friend/ Find someone to treat my tender boy pussy the right way/ Stop saying “You too” to the woman at Commons who tells me to have a good dinner/ Get gayer #nohetero/ Tell him my favorite part of the night is when he hugs me goodbye/ Get APES kicked off campus... oh wait/ Pee on Ben Franklin and not get arrested/ Take a full piss without hitting the rim or floor once/ NO MORE INSOMNIA COOKIES/ Wear my Greek letters more often/ Finally get with the boy I’ve liked since NSO freshman year/ Destroy more egos by not faking orgasms anymore/ Stop using people as social experiments/ Get head every time I give head/ Enjoy being able-bodied and young/ Read one book per week/ Eat more green things/ Don’t get ice cream after EVERY run/ Stop accidentally sending dick snapchats to my aunt/ Not pay for cheats on Candy Crush/ Cut down on my Tinder use/ Never set foot in Pike again/ Make out with a closeted frat guy at Smokes’/ Develop a consistent morning routine/ Have something that at least resembles a real relationship/ Smoke less pot and snort less cocaine/ Learn to not determine my self–worth in relation to other people/ Not accidentally make out with a 55-year-old again/ Give less fucks/ Floss.
January 23, 2014 at 8:45 am

Well, well, well. You may be thinking new year, new you, but Highbrow resolves to bring the gossip 2K14 times harder, juicier and dirtier.
January 23, 2014 at 8:20 am

Tweet, tweet, Rush Street!
January 21, 2014 at 11:29 am

December 22, 2013 at 10:55 pm

This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 How can I spice up my sex life? If there’s one question that Miss Cassandra gets over and over, it’s this one.
December 5, 2013 at 5:53 am

This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 50 Nuggets. 30 Minutes.
December 5, 2013 at 5:48 am

This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Ah, don’t you just love the smell of Big Macs in the morning?
December 5, 2013 at 5:32 am

This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 McD’s patron: If I died and went to heaven… I would still be here.
December 5, 2013 at 5:32 am

This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 My Dearest, Dirtiest McDonald’s, I’m young, broke, hungry and most likely drunk, so what do I do?
December 5, 2013 at 5:18 am

Drop the tweet, yo
December 3, 2013 at 5:32 pm

So I keep getting ingrown hair and I know it’s ingrown hairs and not an STD, but I’m worried that other people won’t.
November 20, 2013 at 2:03 pm

Tweetin' all day errday
November 19, 2013 at 9:08 pm