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Jetlagged, overworked and fat, it's been a long time since we checked in with our favorite social scene.
November 29, 2007 at 12:00 am

According to a new study, one fifth of all American children aren't allowed to go outside. In unrelated news, American children: fat. Oregon English teacher loses her fight to take a gun to class.
November 15, 2007 at 12:00 am

If there is one major occupational hazard of going to a school like Penn, it's this: people think that you think you're either the shit, or a shit.
November 15, 2007 at 12:00 am

November 15, 2007 at 12:00 am

After a week off, let's jump right back in: As our lovely Ego editors would say, Halloween is the new Chanukah, as this year's festivities stretched on an entire week, and in some circles, even more.
November 8, 2007 at 12:00 am

Passengers revolted after being told to fly on a jet with its wing tip missing. Engineers defend themselves, say, "At least there were no mother fuckin' snakes on the mother fuckin' plane." Time Magazine reports that Facebook has become more popular than porn.
November 8, 2007 at 12:00 am

Penn Transit is a great thing. It zips us all over town, and for free. But as this freshman realizes - and as most of us have known for some time - our beloved delivery system isn't all that Penn Previews cracks it up to be.
November 8, 2007 at 12:00 am

J.K. Rowling revealed this week that Professor Dumbledore is gay. Outed wizard sells Pensieve on eBay, plans move to San Francisco, claims Jake Gyllenhaal will appreciate his Elder Wand. The search for a suspected pedophile is now centered on a sex resort in Thailand.
October 25, 2007 at 12:00 am

Don't get me wrong. This weekend, I had as much fun as you. The alumni looked successful, if unhappy, and the laser light show on the Green was uplifting, to say the least. But amidst all the hoopla, a discouraging fact slipped beneath our collective radar: the football team lost, again.
October 25, 2007 at 12:00 am

The circus tents have been stowed away to wait another year. Homecoming weekend came, conquered, and went in the span of a few nights.
October 25, 2007 at 12:00 am

It was so lonely here on campus while you all forayed to exotic locales (Amsterdam; Connecticut; the Libs). We admit it; we were bored.
October 18, 2007 at 12:00 am

A Missouri man faces up to 30 years in prison for stealing a 52 cent donut. Man claims it was worth it; donut was "really good." Almost half the people living in New Jersey want to live somewhere else.
October 18, 2007 at 12:00 am

I'm abroad and I find myself craving the familiar. I get together with Penn friends for a weekend in Paris and cling to them, excited that they know me past the familiar, "Where in America are you from?" And when I see Michael Cera waiting for the elevator I'm getting into, my brain goes, "Oh, hey!
October 18, 2007 at 12:00 am

Oh, don't cry for us, Pennyslvania. And while you're at it baby, don't cry over us, either. We have our fun, but we don't mean to be mean.
October 4, 2007 at 12:00 am

McDonald's low-fat vanilla soft serve ice cream is not, in fact, the same price everywhere, as we would be led to believe.
October 4, 2007 at 12:00 am

It's 3:30 a.m. on Friday night as you stumble into Fresh Grocer to grab some supplies: raspberry fruit spread jam (not jelly); Skippy Peanut butter (smooth, of course); Martin's potato bread; skim milk (not the preferred 2% for fear of the roommate's wrath). Yes, the perfect compilation for a late night feast.
September 20, 2007 at 12:00 am

With the temperature beginning to drop like 5th classes in our second week back at Penn, we at Sweeper suggest a change of wardrobe and style. Fall's fashionable pussy magnet is, ironically, the pussy.
September 20, 2007 at 12:00 am

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales left his post this week, leaving behind a tainted legacy of scandals.
September 20, 2007 at 12:00 am

It's a good time to be at the UPenn, where we were once #7 and are now half of #5. At least that seems to be the prevailing notion out on the Walk, where the weather is nice, if humid, and the freshmen are attractive (Thanks Dean Stetson - miss you, call me!), if awaiting the "frosh 15" - namely losing fifteen pounds in a string of Pod lettuce wraps and manic stairmaster sessions.
September 13, 2007 at 12:00 am

Oh children, children, welcome back to the playPenn. It's been a long summer devoid of dirt to dig, but now we're back, muckraking your shit for your own enjoyment.
September 13, 2007 at 12:00 am