It’s time to clear out your room and sell your stuff. You write a quick post on the Penn Free & For Sale Facebook group to look for people willing to pay for your garbage—a very boring list of mattresses, drawers, clothes racks, and Tupperware. Then you come across…these. There's some weird shit on the Free & For Sale group. This is just the start.
Tide Pods (38cc) x2
“Selling the forbidden fruit. Make your clothes smell delicious … but don’t eat them plz.”
Pro Tip: Honestly, you’d make a much better sale selling them as food. Why not hire a food photographer to show off your Tide pods’ delectable oranges and milky whites?
College of Arts and Sciences undergraduate graduation gown
“Colleges of Arts and Sciences gown with hood and cap (no tassel) for height 5’9’’–5’11’’”
It's a good steal for when you’re so ready to say goodbye to Penn and all its evils. What happened to the tassel?
The 2nd Greatest Album of All Time
“Buy one or more copies of Taylor Swift’s Reputation it’s magical I currently have 8 copies but want to sell the 5 new ones. I paid $15 each plus shipping. If you haven’t heard the album it’s fire.”
Ah, yet another victim of Taylor Swift Tix™ powered by Ticketmaster Verified Fan®. With so many fans buying multiple albums just to get in line for her concerts, are Taylor’s album sales actually legit? (Sorry for the blasphemy, Swifties.) All questions aside, I’m a victim, too, and I really hope this person got a good ticket.
Model Roommate
“Sam comes equipped with several interchangeable outfits and facial expressions! He can bake chicken, brew artisanal coffee, and shower you with much needed affection!”
“Sam will deliver himself right to your doorstep! #WoW”
The best offer was $1,000,000. That’s when a good old joke starts to sound real practical.
Looking for Googly Eyes
“Kind of weird, but does anyone have googly eyes? Or know of someplace nearby where I could definitely find them?”
All I have to say is: ⊙_ʘ
Lost Cat
“Uh a cat walked into my apt. Looks like a house cat as the cat is friendly/cuddly/curious. The cat would not eat my offered meatball or milk. The cat refuses to get out of my apt. Please let me know if this is your cat as I am not allowed to have pets. I am on 40th and Spruce.”
The cat chooses the owner, Mr. Potter. Regardless, you should probably return it to its rightful owner. Note: There were wholesome comments from people who thought this cat was the neighborhood outdoor cat, Shots. Shots’ owner apparently got so many calls that she had to post a picture of Shots safe at home, asking people to stop calling her number.
Used Diva Cup
“Lightly used size 2 diva cup for sale! Only used once so the bidding starts at $30 *wink*”
You’re asking people to pay you money to put the thing you put in your vagina into their vaginas. I wouldn’t do that if you paid me. And even if I did, I’d need a lot more than $30.
