Traditionalist: “I’m saving anal for marriage.”
Essay critic: “Your body fluid descriptions are so good.”
Frat boy post–coitus: “This is what I do to procrastinate for my midterms.”
Frustrated foreigner: “For the last time, I’m not a hipster, I’m just not from America.”
Confused international: “Who’s Betsy Ross? She sounds like a right bitch.”
Sophomore to high school friends: "I can't believe that in ten years we'll all get married!"
