Just as it has happened every year since September 2004, a team of professional buglers appeared at the shared Beverly Hills estate of Green Day band members in the last week of September. The end of September brings new life to Head Bugler Bob Smith’s team each year, as they play their important tune to wake up Green Day. Initiating the ceremony, Smith played the annual reveille tune—a mashup of Green Day’s greatest hits—but this year, Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong had some questions before officially waking up.
“What year is it?” asked Armstrong. Head Bugler Smith replied quickly that it was 2017—one year since September of 2016. When Armstrong and the rest of Green Day had fallen back asleep, Barack Obama was the president, Planned Parenthood's funding was safe, and there was no such thing as "Despacito."
Once Billie Joe composed himself after his 10-month slumber—a process that mostly included de-smudging his eyeliner—he was able to whisper the words, “How is the first female president?” A dead silence fell amongst Head Bugler Smith and his fellow buglers; not a bugle could be heard.
“Mr. Armstrong, I regret to inform you that Donald Trump is actually the president,” said Head Bugler Smith. Green Day collectively laughed out loud at such a preposterous statement, but their eyes—so piercing with their black eyeliner—soon widened when they noticed the serious faces around them. The buglers did not laugh. “It's the truth,” Smith repeated.
When Billie Joe Armstrong realized that Head Bugler Smith was not lying, he climbed back into his bed and under his covers. “Wake me up when December ends,” he sang, “in 2020.”
Don’t expect any more Green Day hits until then.
