BYO culture at Penn wouldn’t be complete without Franzia. The company’s ubiquitous boxed wine can be found at popular spots on any given Thursday, Friday or Saturday night, and has done the almost impossible job of loosening the awkward social tension that’s bound to linger at a 20–person table of almost–strangers. Despite the wine’s presence in the lives of Quakers, it’s safe to say that not all Franzia is created equal. In fact, you can even rate a social situation (lituation?) based on the flavor of Franzia on the table.
Crisp White—“A Solid BYO”
If this easy to drink but not–too–sugary (for Franzia standards) wine is on the table, you probably just came from a pretty satisfactory BYO. Sure, the food may have sucked and you may have never interacted with the other half of the table, but you made a few new friends and are riding a happy buzz. That’s all we really expect from these kinds of things, right?
Fruity Red Sangria—“What Was That?”
Like a Crisp White BYO, you can’t say that this was a bad time, but something about this super sweet red sangria paired with cheap Chinese takeout just isn’t right. Something was off about this BYO; maybe there wasn’t enough wine, the food sucked or you ended up vomiting in the bathroom midway through your entree. You probably left this BYO thinking that it was a good night in all, but some things just really bothered you.
Sunset Blush—“A Lit BYO”
If there’s Sunset Blush, you are guaranteed a pretty great night. This pink, sweet and easy to drink (read: chug) wine is almost as fun as the BYO you just left. This “dinner” may have ended with your party hijacking the aux cord, slapping the bag, and pulling all your friends in for a blurry Snapchat with a random filter. These are never as funny as you think they are.
Burgundy—“Awkward”
While we have nothing against red wines here, Burgundy wine at a BYO is straight–up uncomfortable. If Burgundy is on the table, people are 1) probably not drinking it or 2) regretting that this is all they have to drink. This BYO is a bit awkward, and by the end of the night, there's probably a decent number of people who left to get fucked up somewhere that doesn’t actually suck.
Chardonnay—“A Lovely Time”
A BYO with Chardonnay isn’t rowdy like a Sunset Blush BYO, but it skips some of the awkwardness that comes with Fruity Red Sangria and Crisp White. If Chardonnay is on the table, you’re having a great time with some of your best friends. This BYO is far from awkward, because you already know and love everybody.
