Now that both Homecoming and Halloween are Octover, Highbrow’s here to fill you in on the trick or treats of what happened. The ghosts of Penn’s past might have come and gone, but their questionable decisions will live on forever.
One little, lost Theta Dalmatian learned that Cruella wasn’t the only de Vil this weekend when she got punched at the Duos downtown. Another Dalmatian, who was clearly not a member of the original 101, thought she saw this other pup wearing her set of ears and decided go fetch what was hers. In an attempt to get the ears back, the Dalmatian altercation ensued. While reaching for the ears, the determined dog punched the other pup in the face—adding an unwanted spot to her face.
Things got even more heated this weekend when an SDT sophomore set fire to her phone while she was high. After consuming an edible, the sophomore felt like the high hadn’t hit and decided to light a joint. Fascinated by the flame, someone accidentally put her phone near the fire and with intrigue she decided to let it sit there. After scorching through the case, the screen went dark and wouldn’t turn back on. While not quite sober, she tried to go to the Apple Store to have her phone fixed, but the employees just stared and laughed at her and her fried phone as she tried to explain herself.
While that sophomore was putting her “foot in her mouth” another one was literally putting her “foot in the door.” One Chi–O sophomore and her beSDT friend came home to find the glass inner door of her apartment building locked. She huffed and she puffed and she kicked her basic white converse straight through the door, wedging her ankle between two large sheets of glass and shattering any plans of breaking and entering with ease. Neither she nor the sideline siSDTer could lift the glass and free her, so two sophomore knights in shining Vineyard Vines and one police officer—who coincidentally had taken a selfie with our damsel in distress a mere two weeks prior—came to her rescue. Since they'd already broken the ice, the cop didn’t really care that she'd broken the glass and decided that everyone involved could go on with their night.
But perhaps some places are better left un–entered—namely the Atlantis Gentlemen's Club. On a wild night of reliving his college glory days, one alum decided to put his new disposable income to good use. On his way out of the Chestnut Street strip club, the former swimmer got caught in the nets of one of the club’s exotic dancers. Highbrow hears that the dancer engaged him and asked him if “he had enough money for this,” to which his Wharton degree replied, “Yes.” Things got even more interesting on the post–grad side of things, when another alum managed to make the MERT list of the night. Nothing says networking like being under the care of the Doctor you interned with during your Senior year at Penn.
Oh, and shout out to the senior girl who got her daily dose of broccoli and cha–cha'd with (read: fucked) D.R.A.M.
