Freshmen

  • Diversify daily chai latte suppliers beyond Starbucks under Commons... to Wawa.
  • When BYOing at Sitar (38th and Chestnut streets), skip the wine and just bring straight vodka. Mix it with their mango lassi ($3.5), and you’ve got perfection.
  • Explore a Shabbat event at Hillel. On a Friday night, it’s honestly the sceniest place on campus.
  • Go to a downtown Mask and Wig show.
  • Lift at Pottruck.
  • Major in Econ for at least five minutes.
  • Receive a business card from a foxy former Disney star.
  • Invite a lover back to the Quad after 2am. Then you’ll really know what it’s like to feel needed.
  • Go to Penn Park!
  • Explore the foliage at the Biopond. We’ve heard it’s really relaxing.

Sophomores

  • Announce you know what you’re doing with your life because, you know, you’re pre–med now.
  • Drop pre–med.
  • Stand outside academic buildings and ask freshmen who they know there.
  • Become best friends with Rebecca Stein.
  • Go to a speaker event, just ‘cause.
  • Pregame by taking your flask along and crashing a Penn tour. Take a shot every time the tour guide name–drops Ben Franklin.
  • Go to the Saxby’s bathroom and spike your pumpkin spice with some Fireball. Take it from us, it’s good.
  • Learn the name of one landmark in Rittenhouse so you can show your relatives at Thanksgiving just how well you’re making it in the big city.
  • Get on first–name terms with Wawa’s weekend night staff.
  • BYO Hill.

Juniors

  • Take shots during your history seminar’s five–minute break in a College Hall bathroom.
  • Challenge Rick Bayless on grounds of cultural appropriation at Frontera.
  • Never forget: new year, new bursar.
  • Walk up Baltimore to 49th Street, where you’ll find Satellite Cafe, Dollar General, and a pretty awesome vegetarian smoothie joint.
  • Buy pants at FroGro and call it fringe.
  • Ask College Republicans whether you need a Penn ID to vote in their elections.
  • Crash a Penn tour. Take a shot every time the guide lies about how much Ben Franklin matters on campus.
  • Take a selfie with the guy at Itzaccihuatl... or however you spell it
  • Find an exotic, yet mega–cultured, landmark in your study abroad destination of choice. Spend all your sober minutes abroad thinking of puns about it to put as your Facebook album photo.
  • Talk disparagingly to a Drexel student.

Seniors

  • Ask a Starbucks under Commons barista to fix your drink... and then survive.
  • Add a Castle guy to the Free and For Sale Page, because why not.
  • Zumba during Demo Days. You have until Sunday.
  • Interrupt your linguistic lecture to ask about the evolution of the term “fuckboy”
  • Spend some quality time under the button.
  • Get your TA’s number. Better yet, be the TA whose number is sought after.
  • Walk of shame out of HamCo’s ridiculous architecture in under 15 minutes.
  • Get your Shout Out published in Street! It’s your last time.
  • Say hi to a professor you once had. Actually stop, chat—you’re an adult now. You can get past the one time you called her mom in lecture.
  • Have a deep conversation on a Highrise rooftop lounge. Take a good, long pensive look at the Philadelphia skyline. Next year, you probably won’t be living anywhere close to as beautiful as this.

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