Holy shit—it’s about to be a holy weekend. Between Easter and Passover, Highbrow has our hands full with family festivities. We’re looking forward to eating our weight in chocolate while simultaneously avoiding bread like the plague. But that’s okay, gluten–free is trendy! For you Jewish Quakers making the exodus to NYC (Ed. note: Scarsdale and Long Island don’t count), please make sure to avoid putting anything that rises into your dirty mouths. No matter what holiday you’re celebrating this weekend, just remember: Highbrow is like God, you can’t see us, but we’re always watching.
This week, Highbrow presents High Society. This weekend, one house on Pine decided to throw a smoker and invited people to their party via Facebook. On their page, they included fake applications for an exclusive senior society called The Death Friars Society. Believing they had been tapped, many attendees filled out the applications when they arrived and schmoozed with their “fellow members”. We hate to burst your bubble, but they’re just blowing smoke up your ass.
Speaking of bubbles, rub a dub dub, there’s puke next to the tub. Highbrow hears that one party got especially rowdy this weekend. During a champagne and shackles event, a freshman boy decided to unwind after a long day by indulging in a luxurious bubble bath. Unfortunately, his peace was interrupted by a drunk sophomore girl who decided she needed to yak. While the boy tried to strategically rearrange his bubbles, the girl proceeded to puke next to him while her friends ushered out other bathroom goers. Looks like bubbles and bubbly don’t mix.
Mess with the Burnetts, you will get burnt. One jock–fest this weekend was overflowing with testosterone and booze. A couple arrived to the event with a bottle of Burnetts in hand, ready to party. As the bottle rotated through the crowd, the freshman girl who'd provided the booze attempted to get a swig. As she reached for the bottle, a bro aggressively slapped her arm. Her protective boyfriend sprang into action, but ultimately decided to avoid any fights. Instead, he began to growl at the assailant menacingly. He may not have started a brawl, but Highbrow thinks this bad bro deserves a slap on the wrist!
The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.
