Here's what we know:
1. Both Celiac and Atkins were founded in the 1900s. Strange timing, isn’t it? Scientific advancements or...conspiracy!?
2. Robert Atkins was born in Columbus, Ohio, a city surrounded by wheat fields. Did he hate wheat? Was his mother killed by wheat? Did he develop a violent vendetta after some childhood vendetta? We can only speculate.
3. Celiac and Atkins both have a "ck" sound in them. How convenient.
Here's what we assume:
Bartlebee Atkins had a dream: the complete destruction of the gluten industry. He knew diets would go in and out of style. But what never leaves is a life long disease. Slowly, through unknown methods, he spread this gluten intolerance. The only known cure? A life-long-gluten-free diet.
Gluten-free is the new buzzword. People run away form it like an old iPhone or leggings that are not Lululemon. While most Americans don't know what it is, it strikes fear into the hears of spin class instructors and those girls who lived on your hall freshman year who only drank diet chasers. Yet, there are those who not only accept thsi lifestyle because it's but also because they "have" to. These are people with celiac disease. Described as an immune reaction to eating gluten, this disease has recently become widespread, with up to three million cases a year.
Although atkins has tried, some people still don't understand fuckin' gluten. A waiter was heard asking, "What kind of nut is gluten" Another asked, "Does gluten grow in eggs?" Most devastating to the cause was a Starbucks barista informing a customer, "We don't have gluten-free as a flavor, but we do have hazelnut and caramel." When the same barista called out the order, he said, "Gluten-free water for Julie." Overhearing this caused Atkins to slip on the icy pavement in New York City, resulting in his death. Is Celiac a conspiracy or actually just a really common disease? Who cares. What matters is, shut up about being gluten - free. We don't want to hear about it (that is, unless you have a serious medical condition).
(Photo via Flicker)
