Welcome back from SB2K15. Your tan lines will fade as quickly as the memories (read: blackouts) from PV. We say flaunt ‘em while you got ‘em. Highbrow has eyes and ears all around the world, and guess what? Hablamos español. Don’t think a language barrier will keep any gossip away from us. Spring break lives ~forever~ in the Round Up.
It’s Ukrainin’ men! Hallelujah it's—oh fuck, the police. A group of phine Penn ladies danced the night away in Barcelona this spring break. The gals were out until the early morning and found themselves on the beach with some Ukranian men they had met at the discoteca. After some consensual and sensual dry humping by the Mediterranean, the police had to intervene and break up the scene due to public indecency. Crimea river. Remember: when you’re by the sea, the seamen will come.
Talk about road raging. One lucky junior reconnected with a boy she had met at her high school prom, who also happens to be the current face of Ralph Lauren. Ride that pony, Quaker girl! The two met up and indulged in nighttime vices as they fist–bumped (fisted? IDK) and made out behind the DJ booth of Miami’s hottest club. The next morning, the underaged model asked our legal Penn friend if she would rent a Ferrari for him. Highbrow wonders if he stuck his key in her ignition.
Hit the clubs, not the floor. Highbrow hears that one Punta Cana partier got into a slippery situation over spring break. After some aggressive pregaming, one sophomore girl lost her balance and face planted on the dance floor. Four concerned security guards walked over and escorted the girl outside of the club—tearing her wristband off once she was outside. A helpful freshman accompanied the drunkie outside and assisted her in a nearby bathroom. The freshman helped her pull trig while another partygoer ran around the club in search of coke, hoping that a little blow would sober up her blacked–out buddy #responsible. Once the drunk girl was finally able to lift herself off the bathroom floor, she attempted to re–enter da club. She tried to pay off the bouncers twice before being definitively rejected from the premises. Feeling defeated, the group left and headed over to Subway. At least they all ended their nights with footlongs in their mouths.
Let’s taco 'bout sex baby. We hear that things got hot and steamy in Puerto Vallarta. During a day party, one Quaker charmed a bikini–bearing partygoer. The duo split off from the party to get a little privacy—or at least they hoped. They hooked up in a shower, but their intimacy was interrupted by nearby students filming them. Forget OCR; Kim K’s sex tape launched her career. Highbrow already has a working title: Jalapeño Taco.
The party doesn’t stop in PV—it keeps going at the airport. While waiting for their return flight at the terminal, students bought a handle of duty free alcohol to celebrate a friend’s birthday. The students split the alcohol into water bottles in order to smuggle it onto the plane. One thirsty traveler blacked out on the plane. In her drunken state, the girl began to haze boys from Lehigh University sitting near her and forced them to drink her booze. Thankfully, no one was kicked off the flight and they landed in Mexico City for their connecting flight. Gracias a Dios.
But things got even more guackward during their layover. After a quick snooze, the blacked–out chica made a beeline to the crowded terminal’s charging station, where she proceeded to lift up her skirt—ass out—and pee all over the floor. In fajita the moment, one junior sprang into action and tried to pull her skirt down while avoiding splatter to the horror of literally everyone else. Post–pee, the junior proceeded to puke in a cleaning bucket.* We usually go for tequila and lime—not Lemon Pledge.
The cops swarmed the scene and documented her passport and boarding pass info. Our fiesty friend finally fell asleep for a few hours, waking up right before she and her friends needed to board their flight. To everyone’s surprise, the girl was perfectly coherent—talk about a power nap! In order to board her flight to JFK, the girl had to pass a drug wipe down and a physical inspection. Miraculously, she passed both and was welcomed on to the plane by the cheers of the Lehigh boys. MiLehigh Club anyone? That’s what happens when drinking spirits in the SKYY.
*Sidenote: This was one nasty section of the terminal. Sitting one row over, while our spring broken friend vommed, a dude fingered his granola girlfriend through her parachute pants. While being pleasured, the girlfriend took her man's hand of out her pants, smelled his fingers and then pushed his hand back down to her chichi. Mmm, nothing like the smell of stale coochie and puke in the Mexico City airport.
