...we get it: you have a boyfriend. Like a dog who has peed on a tree, your 200+ photos have marked your territory. No one will go near him.
...stop posting PicStitch collages and essays for your people’s birthdays. We get it—they’re literally your NSOul mates.
...you’re grammar is shit.*
*your
...how did you take 500+ photos in two days and edit them all? What happened to studying for your Econ midterm?
...your captions are not witty. “Penn” does not rhyme with “Penis.”
...nobody is following your lame Tumblr with inspirational quotes and filtered pictures of the Quad in the fall.
...why do you keep checking in on Four Square? I’m right next to you. We’re at Allegro, not Pizzeria Vetri.
...anyone under the age of 30 is qualified to be a social media intern.
...no one wants to watch your 120+ second story from Afrojack. Every song still sounds the same, especially when it’s not in person.
...why do you geotag fraternities? You are surrounded by 50 short Jewish boys—I think I know where you are.
...everyone saw your Instagram before you deleted it. We just didn’t like it because you already posted three today.
...stop poking me on Facebook. I’m a pacifist—I don’t believe in poke wars.
...why do you still have a Formspring?
....your dog isn't cute enough to have its own Instagram.
