Street: So what position [on the basketball team] do you play?
MH: On JV, I played center. I’m not 6’9” or above, so I couldn’t really do that on Varsity. But I play small forward/power forward [on varsity].
Street: How tall are you?
MH: I’m 6’5”. 6’6” on the program. And when I grow my hair out, I get a little taller, too.
Street: If you could only keep one, which would it be: basketball or singing?
MH: Basketball. I wouldn’t be able to get myself to exercise everyday if I didn’t have basketball. Singing is more of an internal thing for me, and as much as I would like to have it, it’d be okay if I didn’t.
Street: Do you have any tips for making a March Madness bracket?
MH: I think people pick too many upsets. It doesn’t happen that often—there’s a reason they’re upsets.
Street: We found a photo of you with the superman logo shaved on your chest, what was that about?
MH: For Halloween, I didn’t know what I was going to be and this kid said, ‘Oh you should definitely shave an “S” into your chest.’ It was a big enough hit for Halloween that I decided to do it again for spring break, and that was a blast. Surprisingly, only guys liked it, girls paid no attention.
Street: So you have a lot of chest hair?
MH: Yeah, I do. I shaved recently. It’s Armenian heritage.
Street: How long did it take to grow back?
MH: About a month.
Street: Tell us your thoughts on manscaping.
MH: Necessary for me. I embrace it.
Street: If you had a superpower which would it be?
MH: Teleportation, definitely. I’m really lazy and walking to places upsets me. (Ed. note: Us too.)
Street: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
MH: Barack Obama complimented me one time. One of my best friends from high school’s dad is Obama’s best friend. My senior year of high school [my friend] was like, ‘Hey, I’m going to Hawaii, do you want to come with us?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, of course.’ I knew they normally vacation with the Obamas. One time [Obama] sat down and talked to me, and he asked me where I was going to school, that kind of stuff. He told me I was a "puttogether young man," which was nice to hear.
Street: If Penn Six had a mascot what would it be?
MH: A sloth. For laziness.
Street: Who would your dream duet be with?
MH: Mariah Carey. But like, '90s Mariah Carey.
Street: Do you sing in the shower?
MH: I do. I definitely do. My housemates get very upset with me. Also, my friend in Off the Beat lives in the house. Between the two of us, there’s just too much singing going on for their taste.
Street: Give us a haiku.
MH: Asking me questions. / I feel so uncomfortable. / Sweating through my shirt.
Street: What’s your spirit animal.
MH: Giraffe.
Street: That was fast, I think we can guess why….
MH: Because of the spots.
Street: Describe yourself in three words?
MH: Tall, hairy, Jewish.
Street: If you could have a drink with anyone in history, who would it be and why?
MH: Michael Jordan. I feel like he’d be hilarious to drink around.
Street: What do you love most about Penn?
MH: The people, I think. I’ve met some of my best friends here and I couldn’t picture myself anywhere else.
Street: What do you hate most about Penn?
MH: The people. No, I have had not that good of teachers, and that’s upsetting because it’s a pretty good school, so I feel like that should be better.
Street: What was your first AIM screen name?
MH: The spelling is actually the funniest part: Showstoppah823.
Street: That’s still your email!
MH: Yeah, that’s the school one. I applied to schools with that email.
Street: What’s one thing you were scared we were going to ask you?
MH: All of the things you asked me.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
