Give us a fun fact:
MK: Maybe I can do [Alex's]?! He lived in Peru!
AB: She was in France for a month and did research on muscular dystrophy.
MK: Oh yeah, that makes me sound way more interesting.
AB: Yeah, fucking nerd.
Fun food fact:
AB: In Peru, I ate guinea pig. I was really sick at the time, I had a parasite. And my host family served me this really nice guinea pig, and obviously, it’s really potent so I couldn’t eat any of it. But I also felt rude if I didn’t eat any, so...
MK: Okay, I’m afraid of fennel. I hate it. I hate everything about it.
Their Tinder Bios:
AB: My ideal Tinder bio: 45–year–old guy looking for love.
MK: I don’t have a Tinder, but my Instagram bio is just, "Yeah, it’s a boy’s name."
First impressions:
MK: His text to me was like, 'I’m in a top hat and suit.' I was like, 'Fuck, I’m underdressed. Then after a minute I realized, “Top hat? He’s just fucking with me.” Then I was thinking, “This is gonna be fun. He’s funny.” I liked that.
AB: I like to hug people when I greet them, so I hugged her and she wasn’t weird about it. So I took that as a good sign.
MK: Oh, and also [Alex] opened the cab door for me. He was very gentleman–ly. I’m not used to manners.
AB: I had to narrate that as I was doing it, because I felt that if I didn’t then it would be really weird, like I had a pole up my ass, or something.
Atmosphere:
MK: It was nice. We liked the fans!
AB: Ooooh, yeah! They looked like plantains. It was awesome. I looked at them for a minute and a half.
The food:
AB: We had pork belly, honey–glazed...
MK: With salt! Actually I wrote it down, she made a point to say, “with salt”. I was like, “What?” It tasted great, actually he ate it, but I didn’t. I’m vegetarian.
AB: So why did you say you wanted that?
MK: I’ve been judged so often for being vegetarian, I was just like, “Yeah, sure.” But the tortilla chips were great!
Service:
MK: We both have attention spans of goldfish, so every time our server spoke, we had no idea what she said. We just sat there like, “Wait, what did she just say?”
AB: Did you pay attention? ‘Cause I didn’t. She spent five minutes describing the food, and I was just like, 'Uhhh...”'
The Conversation:
MK: Twenty minutes before the date I was in my room looking in the mirror and was just like, “Well, can’t change my personality now. It is what it is.”
AB: She started getting really excited talking about her research in medicine and stuff like that, and then she was just like, “I’m being a nerd—I’m so sorry.”
MK: Before we ate he said, “Do you want me to serve you?” and I was like, “No, you be the guinea pig.”
AB: Last thing she said was: “Yeah, I’m a big food pusher, I always make sure my little brother is full. If he’s hungry, it’s the worst thing in the world. If guys are hungry, it’s the worst thing in the world.”
Seconds?
MK: Uh, duh. No, like I actually would. I would get the mojitos...if I were 21.
AB: I felt like I was in Havana, Cuba. I’ve never been to Havana, Cuba, but I felt like I was there.
We meant the date...
AB: This is my official answer: “Michael. Was. A. Fun. And. Also. Nice. Person. Yes. I. Would.” In monotone, though.
MK: I would. Someone was forced to interact with me. It was nice.
