1. Halloween Breakfast Egg
The recipe: There are no instructions, just a picture of an egg, a packet of ketchup and a packet of mustard, with the caption “these are all you need!” I didn’t have ketchup so I used srircha sauce, and my mustard isn’t squirtable (grape poop-on, bitches) so I used sriracha sauce aswell.The approach: I fried an egg, and then drew on it with sriracha sauce.
Why Pinterest can suck it: How are they gonna pretend like they
used packets for this kind of laser precision, computer–guided fuckery? I used sriracha sauce,
which has a relatively precise nozzle, and that shit just ran all over the place.
2. Two–Ingredient Pancakes
The recipe: The author says these can be made with 3 or 4 tablespoons of mashed banana and 1 egg. But she also admits in the fine print that she “really recommends” adding baking soda, some peanut flour and “flavors” like extracts, spices, chopped nuts or chocolate chips.
The approach: If a recipe promises a beautiful stack of pancakes made with only two ingredients, it should actually be possible to make with only two ingredients. Plus who the fuck has peanut flour lying around?
Why Pinterest can suck it: I wish I could say I didn’t get my hopes up, but when that first splash of “pancake” batter hit the skillet, I swear, that deceptive little minx looked like a pancake. It sizzled like a pancake. It bubbled, first on the edges, then in the center, just like a pancake. That bitch even, somehow, smelled like a pancake.
Then I tried to flip it, and reality set in. The pancake broke into 3 misshapen bits, then quickly, inevitably, devolved into a hot, sticky mess of scrambled eggs and banana goo.
3. One Bowl Brownies
The recipe: a pretty standard brownie recipe that can be made in one bowl. Yay for less clean up!
The approach: We followed this to the letter.
Why Pinterest can suck it: Nah, these actually turned out pretty great.
