Dress The Part
Some people will tell you to always dress in black, but you want to peacock! How about a cape? Or a brightly colored vest so cars can see you at night? We heard that groutfits are coming back into style. But why stop at just groutfits? Make it a poutfit (all purple)! Or a bloutfit (all blue or all blubber—you decide)!
Tall Tales
Make yourself more interesting, even if you have to stretch the truth. Tell everyone that your family is a clan of Syrian rebels. They don’t know that you’re from Chicago. Find a small scar on your body. Explain that you had a run–in with a Samurai warrior back in ‘Nam. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to make sense.
Arm Candy
Find a S.O. You don’t need to go parties. You can just stay in and watch old episodes of Yu–Gi–Oh! That's what boyfriends are for. Love means never having to put on pants or go outside.
Parties
Is it happening in the Rodin Rooftop Lounge? No? You’re not going. Where's the free Qdoba, guys?
Socializing
Join a club! We’re not talking about Rumor. We’re talking about Penn Backgammon Association.
SABSING
Everyone’s going to forget the girl who didn’t break her ass. Break your ass! Slip and fall! MERT yourself! Make a scene! No one will ever forget that. Hey, it might even get you into Highbrow, you lucky little duckling.
