Play hard, but OCR harder. This time of year, we are suffocated by poorly–tailored suits and the stench of fear. Take off your J. Crew jewelry, Cho Chang, and get ready to spray yourself in eau de Highbrow—a mix of sweat, Allegro and rumors. Gossip has never smelled so good.
TriDelta? More like try-harder. Sources tell Highbrow that our sparkly sisters ran into a little trouble during rush. After struggling to fill their pledge class, DDDelta had to scramble to meet their quota. Looks like they might be tri–hopping their way down to second tier.
Welcome to the Mile High Club! After drinking a bit too much at Smokes Sink or Swim, one special Quaker decided to board a flight in an inebriated state. At the airport, the boy showed TSA his fake ID and miraculously boarded the plane. The flight’s turbulence may have gotten to him and our wasted friend got up to go to the bathroom—blacking out on the way. A few hours later, this boy woke up in his seat with oxygen mask. Highbrow thanks you for flying the not–so–friendly skies.
Slow down, grab the (Western) Wall—Highbrow's news is sure to make your ass fall off. You goys won't believe it, but it looks like AEPi has recolonized Penn's campus. Our Rabbi told us that a group of juniors has already been initiated as the frat's founding members and they are recruiting new members. Highbrow can't wait to get the deets on their "Menorahs and Dirty Whore–ahs" mixer.
Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener. One boy found himself in a sticky situation this weekend. After matching with an older guy on Tinder, our friend made a trip to his Inn at Penn hotel room. Both boys stripped down to their skivvies but suddenly realized they didn’t have a condom. In DIY spirit, the creative student allegedly tried to use a CVS plastic bag as a condom, adding a little body lotion for lubricant. Unfortunately, the penetration was unsuccessful, but Highbrow applauds these activists' ability to reduce, reuse and recycle!
The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.
