To all who have tried to label Penn as the #1 party school or the most insecure Ivy: bitch, you don’t know our life. One thing’s for sure, we know how to have a good time.
Booze, biddies and boys didn’t mix so well this weekend. Attendees to TriDelt’s annual Woodser event heavily pregamed and got a little too rowdy. While driving to the campsite sans–restroom, sisters and their dates peed in empty water bottles. When no bottles remained, the boys resorted to urinating on the seats inside of the bus. Once they finally arrived at the campsite, bodily fluids continued to flow—we hear that the firepit was a popular vomit spot. To top it all off, a few partygoers got lost in the woods. Maybe these girls should stick to one kind of wood.
A few Penn students were pissed off this weekend. On the way to Princeton on Saturday, the ApeSDT buses stopped for a bathroom break—but not fast enough. Overwhelmed by his full bladder, one Apes sophomore decided he couldn’t hold it any longer. He found an empty water bottle, whipped out his dick and filled it up. Upon finishing, he realized he didn’t have a top, and threw the urine–filled bottle out the window. Unfortunately for him, the window was closed and the bottle exploded all over the SDT girls around him, covering them in his piss. That’ll be the last time you shower these sisters. L’chaim.
It seemed like all bathroom breaks went wrong this weekend. While headed to Princeton, the St. A’s/Theta buses made a pit stop at a gas station. Sources tell us that one gas station employee accused an A’s brother of stealing, and subsequently called the police to deal with the situation. Upon their arrival, the policemen threatened to breathalyze the crowd of intoxicated students. One angry Theta senior seemed to think this was unacceptable, and yelled at the police to “fuck off.” She was promptly put in the back of a cop car and detained while the police proceeded to separate the students into buses based on those who were 21 and those who were not, breathalyzing those underage. Some students received citations, but at least A’s and Theta are comfortable with blow(ing).
While some students obliged to being breathalyzed, others decided that they could not take that risk. Highbrow hears that, when the police weren’t looking, some students fled out of the side door of the bus and headed for a nearby Italian restaurant to hide. However for one Theta sophomore in the process of obtaining a Green Card, the fear of deportation was too great. She felt that this restaurant was too obvious of a hiding place so, she, two of her sisters and four A’s boys sprinted towards a nearby forest instead. While walking through the forest, the boys determined that, in order to find cabs, the group needed to cross a nearby creek. The boys jumped across it with ease, but one Theta sister was not so agile and face–planted into the water. Highbrow is happy to report that they made it to Princeton. At least running from Highway Patrol is easier than running from Border Patrol.
*As a reminder, the Round Up is a gossip column and all information is solicited as tips or word of mouth. No reporting is done to gather the information presented in the Round Up.
