BEST
“#SELFIE” - The Chainsmokers
“It’s not even summer, why does the DJ keep on playing ‘Summertime Sadness’?”
Like wearing UGG boots with booty shorts, it’s a trend that's here to stay. All throughout autumn and winter, Lana Del Rey took over radios, downtowns and Smokes’ alike, and The Chainsmokers, ever au courant, give the jam a sardonic nod.
“Drunk in Love” - Beyonce
“Then I fill the tub up halfway then ride it with my surfboard(t)”
Thank you, Beyonce, for ensuring that every time a word ends in “–oard,” it will automatically become “surfboardt.”
“Bound 2” - Kanye West
“Close your eyes and let the word paint a thousand pictures. One good girl is worth a thousand bitches.”
You tell ‘em, Kanye. Now that you’ve found Kim, you seem to have finally found something worth valuing.
“Hold On, We're Going Home” - Drake
“I want your high love and emotion endlessly. I can’t get over you. You left your mark on me”
If we’ve learned one thing besides the fact that Drake is soft, it is that he is learning to respect women. Learning.
“Tear You Down” - RAC feat. Alex Ebert
“I’m bleeding from the wounds/From cutting to the chase/From beating round the bush/Then burns when we embrace”
When lyrics are made graphic, the culprit can only be RAC. Thus we listen to this song every time our bleeding emotions feel like wounds.
“Talking Backwards” - Real Estate
“And I might as well be talking backwards. Am I making any sense to you? And the only thing that really matters is the one thing I can’t seem to do.”
Real Estate speaks to our inner hearts’ desires at achieving clear communication. Unfortunately, it's not always possible and that is just why these lyrics hit home.
WORST
“The Moss” - Cosmo Sheldrake
“But have you heard the story of ‘The Rabbit in the Moon,’ or the ‘Cow That Hopped the Planets’ while straddling a spoon, or she, who leapt up mountains, while whistling up a tune and swapped her songs with swallows while ‘Riding on a Broom?’”
“Aesop’s Fables” or Cosmo Sheldrake? We won’t be singing along to this in the club, but we might pass it on to our younger siblings to recite at their next storytelling competition.
“Coffee” - Sylvan Esso
“Wild winter, warm coffee/Mind’s gone, do you love me?/Blazing summer, cold coffee/Baby’s gone, do you love me?”
Sounds like the background music to a Starbucks ad. Sorry, Sylvan Esso. Some people like hot coffee all year ‘round.
“Little Fang” - Avey Tare's Slasher Flicks
"Hey Mrs. creepy head. Hey Mr. fuzzy face. Go mash your teeth again. You’re in the right place."
What are you doing here and who are you talking to?
“Timber” - Ke$ha feat. Pitbull
“It’s going down. I’m yelling timber. You better move. You better dance.”
Is it really an obvious fact that while getting down on the dance floor we should feel like lumberjacks axing trees? Before you have us humming this for the next week, Ke$ha, maybe save us the embarrassment and put together a lyrical narrative both enriching and rhetorically sound. Christ.
