THEOS and Sammy breakdance to “Hava Negilah”: $$
Apparently Sammy has attracted some diversity, but who doesn’t love having your bros throw you around in a chair? We’re looking for a reunion for the Sigma Alpha Muchachos of now and yesteryear. Is it easier to do the worm in cargo pants or skinny jeans?
Penn Stud Gov doing less: $$$$
After live–streaming your UA trial a la OJ Simpson, please #freePenn from your antics. Why are you doing so much now when everyone knows you don’t really do anything? (Ed. note: Oh. Snap.)
Stormstager 2.0: $$
Remember when that crazy kid jumped on stage during Tiesto @Fling2012? We’d love to watch another Wild One Guettarrested.
Penne becomes BYO: $$$$
This might be crushing for the master sommelier who happens to be Penne’s general manager (true story, look it up!) but we are in dire need of a campus BYO that’s not Beijing. Let’s be real, Penne: your food would be so much better if it was accompanied by copious amounts of Bankers.
Amy Gutmann existing outside of the internet/student–run publications: $$$
This is kind of self–explanatory, but we’re dying to see what your highlights look like in real life.
Tabard becoming part of the Panhellenic community: $
What would happen? Who would supply us with lunch and endless Round Up gossip? What would their letters be? But really, who would give a shit?
