1. Trim the hedge
If your chest from the clavicle down looks like Velcro, or if every time you wear a fitted shirt people ask why you’re wearing a Kevlar vest underneath, you might want to consider giving your acreage a weekly trim. While a thick, healthy chest–mane is desirable, it gets to be distracting when it begins to look like a rabbit is trying to force its way ass–first from your unbuttoned collar.
2. Shave the weeds
On the flip side, thin or patchy chest hair should be dealt with more severely. A bunch of guys’ insecurities come from being in the unhappy chest hair medium between smooth Adonis and man–beast Wolverine. If your chest is a bare desert littered with oases of thin hair, it’s probably best to go full tilt and shave/wax regularly.
3. Flirt with, but don’t enter, the three–button danger zone
One button down is casual, acceptable for most occasions and only shows a small preview of the mane hiding underneath. Two buttons down is ultra–casual, also acceptable for most occasions (especially when it’s hot as balls out) and makes it clear that you are one hairy motherfucker. Three buttons down is definitely tip–toeing in the danger zone. It’s acceptable on a case–by–case basis, but can get to be a little attention whoring. Four buttons or more and you’re well inside douche territory, and people will be wondering where you hid your thick gold chain.
4. Keep a clear distinction between neck and chest hair
While it’s stupid and arbitrary to draw a line between what is and isn’t sexy with regards to body hair, there’s absolutely no ambiguity on this one. A seamless flow from chest to beard is. not. sexy.
5. Build a solid frame
What do young Sean Connery, Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds and Huge Jackedman (as Wolverine) have in common? All of these guys in their hairy sex–symbol prime had strongly built chests and well–defined collarbones. No one is suggesting you need to start throwing up 250 on the bench, but a well–built chest to compliment and frame your manly mane makes a world of difference.
