Dear little Brownie Bites, did you have a nice weekend? Did you enjoy the sunshine while throwing back Guinness and Bailey’s? Did you find a nice Jewish boy to substitute as your personal leprachaun? Did you get to experience the rolling hills of the Irish countryside known as West Philly? Or do you not remember? O’Highbrow may have greened–out, but your antics didn’t get past us. Grab a pint and read on, lassies.
We’ll start with our best piece of gossip to date. You may know a certain favorite campus establishment chef for his dazzling conversation skills, pleasant crooning and delectable sandwiches. But on Fake St. Patrick’s Day, the King of the Frying Pan crossed the bridge to the Promised Land: Chancellor. Highbrow hears that our favorite breakfast buddy got a little scrambled himself, drinking frat–style with his loyal customers. We love you, Penn Chef, and we hope to get fried with you again soon!
Speaking of getting MERTed, one bro also went to a HUP late night after drinking too aggressively in the Quad. However, when RAs went to investigate which of their youngins had fallen ill, they discovered that it was not a freshman, but a junior who had been sent to the hospi–tool. At least you weren’t written up.
One coked–out Picasso decided that the Pikapp–Theos Darty could use some decorating. Thus, she selflessly put it upon herself to add some golden sparkle to the festivities. The young artist scaled the Pikapp fire escape, urinating onto each platform as she made her way up to Frat Heaven. Bad Highbrow joke incoming: they shoulda called that darty the “Pee–kapp and Pee–os Darty.” ROFL. (Ed note: sorry for that, we’re still hungover).
Finally, there was a lack of brotherly love between two preppy frats at Chancellor. Trading their Solo cups for their fists, six bros pounced on one member of a rival frat. The victim, a male model, emerged with a bleeding ear but a relatively unscathed face. Highbrow hears Rag & Bone is looking for a more rugged look for their spring collection—might we suggest sending them your new headshot? You can thank us later, Zoolander.
