1. Hydrate yourself with liquids other than Natty Ice, Banker’s, and semen.
2. Tea and honey for the throat and in no time, your rendition of “Let It Go” will rival Idina’s. Okay, maybe not Idina’s, but definitely Demi Lovato’s.
3. Take a couple Ambien and have wildly vivid dreams about Fling—where it’s warm outside and you’re feeling better. Wait, why did you just wake up on the sixth floor of Van Pelt? And why is everyone sprouting tentacles from their heads?
4. Zone out on the internet for a while, until you realize you’ve watched 16+ videos of puppies and can’t remember how you transitioned from 14 Cats Who Think They’re Sushi to YouTube.
5. Read Penn Admirers until your body miraculously recovers due to the power of love. Or until you cry yourself to sleep nestling your teddy bear, which almost feels like another human if you don’t think about it too much.
6. Guilt friends into bringing you soup. Time to bring up that time you held Sarah’s hair while she puked—whatever it takes to get some Wawa chicken noodle soup delivered right to your door.
7. Watch YouTube videos of A–Gut speaking—because her energy is even more infectious than your flu.
8. Chug cold medicine until all of your appendages are numb.
9. Cough on a friend’s pillow. Misery loves company, right?
10. Give up and go to Student Health Services.
