Toasts:
Billy Crystal (~45% between 1990-2012): He enters by riding a live horse onstage. He enters by riding on the bow of the Titanic. He enters by being carried by a cop. In short, he enters like a man who knows how to blend the right amount of nostalgic, slapstick gimmicks with the right amount of heartfelt snark. The most endearing Oscar host, with the best song and dance numbers.
Ellen DeGeneres (2007, 2014): She genuinely admits that hosting was a dream of hers as a kid: not winning an Oscar, but hosting the event. She follows this by telling children to “aim lower.” Straight–faced as ever, she’s been known to vacuum during the ceremony and push her screenplays on Martin Scorsese. There’s a reason why she’s hosting again.
Bob Hope (50% between 1940–1978): Oldie but goodie, he’s the man who essentially branded Oscar host as a highly–coveted position, and the first to take now–customary cracks at the stars of the film galaxy. Think Tina Fey and Amy Poehler at the Globes, with a dash of old–fashioned class and the perfect amount of self–awareness about the silliness that is awards night.
Steve Martin (2001, 2003, 2010): He makes political jokes without being belligerent (we’re looking at you Chris Rock), gender and sexuality jokes with sensitivity (someone tell Seth McFarlane about this) and his work is like the best–stand up comedy you’ll ever see. To boot, he’s charming as hell, and everyone has had a DILF crush on him at one time. Who wouldn’t want to spend an evening with Steve?
Whoopi Goldberg (1994, 1996, 1999, 2002): Much like Crystal, Whoopi never shied from antics and spectacle: in 1999, she entered in full Queen Elizabeth regalia, complete in powdered white face, and in 2001, she descended from the ceiling singing “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend.” The sassiest.
Roast:
James Franco & Anne Hathaway (2011): If you’re minutely in tune with the last five years, you should be aware that Anne Hathaway once hosted the Oscars with James Franco, whose input in the endeavor was just about as striking as his invisible art (Yes, that means nothing. Just air.). And yes, just as he sold this “invisible art” for thousands of dollars, so too, was he paid for standing onstage sullenly, or maybe just stoned, at the Oscars. Ah, the spoils of celebrity.
