Privjet, sukii! That means “Hi bitches” in Russian, the language of the Winter Olympic Games and Pussy Riot. Although Highbrow failed to qualify for ice dancing, we bring you gold–medal gossip that is sure to sweep away the competition (#curlingjoke). Put away your conjuctivitis, Bob Costas. Highbrow has 34/34 vision. In the spirit of Mother Russia, gossip for all!
We regret to inform you that another flasher has graced the frat dance floor scene of this hallowed university. At a ZBT party last Friday, an ED–admitted high school senior got a little too excited about college, whipping out his pre–frosh peepee in the hopes of receiving oral sex. The disgusted brothers kicked out the almost–Quaker, who shouted “I’m sorry, but she really wanted to suck it!” Word of advice, young grasshopper—read the Round Up and you’ll know no one wants to suck your dance floor dick. Learn that before August, please.
Keeping up with unoriginality, SAE treated campus, yet again, to another full exposure of the male physique. As if the naked Snapchat wasn’t bad enough, Highbrow hears that the brothers were spotted prancing around their chapter house’s backyard, completely in the nude. If you add some body grease and wrestling, you’ve got yourself a beautiful reenactment of authentic Athenian Olympics. That’s one way to fully embody what it means to be Greek.
Speaking of Greeks, Highbrow’s favorite time of the year is coming: Big/Little Week! The only thing Highbrow loves more than her big is gossip...and TriDelts experimenting with GoogleDocs. In search of a little with the most Delta Sparkle, one Tridelt soph created her first GoogleDoc that allowed biddies to sign up for one–on–one bonding times with her. Unfortunately, after posting the doc to Facebook, h8ers took over, creating fake names and deleting all available time slots. Well, it was worth a tri.
Last but not least, a ruckus erupted at Allegro last Saturday night. Two visitors from Rutgers were trying to enjoy their drunken BBQ pizza (a true Penn experience) when they were accosted by several drunk boys. Upon hearing that they went to Rutgers, the prepsters called them out for attending a public school, using racial slurs and sexist remarks. Insulted, one Scarlet Knight proceeded to slap and attack the genital area of her snobby taunter. In a heroic twist, the Allegro workers kicked out the losers and offered to walk the girls home. Now that’s some real Quaker hospitality. Hurrah!
