To the pre-professionals whom it may concern: We see you in that Ann Taylor Loft statement necklace. But don’t get your pantsuit in a bunch when you see us in the OCR suite. We aren’t competing for a Goldman spot. Highbrow already has a job: recruiting the most qualified and well-rounded gossip.
At a Tabard bowling date night, freshman pledges weren’t the only ones in the gutter. After one too many, a sophomore socialite decided to embody a bowling ball, rolling off the back of the bus to campus. But her strike didn’t stop there. Highbrow hears this pin-up girl (get it?) kept on rolling, off the front porch and into the night, only stopping when the Society physically took her down. May we suggest bumpers next time?
Speaking of "bowl"ing, Phi Delt truly out-broed itself at its Super Bowl party last Sunday. Sources say that one bro secretly counted how many chicken wings were consumed by their female guests throughout the night. After the ladies had left the gathering, the mathematician separated the numbers by sorority in order to determine the hungriest sisterhood. No word yet on an official winner, but we’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, Highbrow declares “Touchdown: chauvinism!”
Valentine’s Day may still be a week away, but love is already polluting the air. In the throes of young love and Banker’s, one sophomore Romeo paid a midnight visit to his alleged Juliet at her off–campus home. With the keys to her heart but not to her house, the star–crossed lover forced his way inside, taking down part of the door with him. Juliet’s startled housemates found their intruder emptying his bladder in the second-floor bathroom. Make yourself at home, Romeo. Just be sure to use the doorbell next time.
Ke$ha may be in rehab, but her songs continue to bring the rowdy at Penn frat parties. As “We R Who We R” blared through the speakers at a TEP party, one DFMOing couple showed their true colors...in the biblical sense. Ke$ha may have had her “hot pants on and up,” but these sweaty teens took theirs off altogether, proceeding to have sex on the dance floor. Oh, you horny Quakers, has Miss Cassandra taught you nothing? Ke$ha might like your beard, but we don’t like seeing your penis. Next time you feel the need to be yourself, take it somewhere else.
