High:
First off, there are actually two Redboxes. How do you know which one has the better movies? It was a tough first decision. And trying to actually pick a movie was impossibly hard. There were just so many options to scroll through (including multiple “Frozen” knock–offs: “The Princesses of Legendare” and “The Snow Queen” anyone?). It was overwhelming. How do they fit so many DVDs and Blu–Rays in that box? Do people actually use Blu–Ray?
But as high and full of questions as I was, I could never be convinced to watch “Grown Ups 2,” which was somehow in the “Top 20” category. Ugh. After an indecisive two minutes that felt more like 20, I finally chose “Don Jon.” The 24–hour rental period was not enough time, and I didn’t even get a chance to watch it. My smart touch texting gloves worked on the touch screen though, so that was pretty cool. Technology, ya know?
Drunk:
At 6:30 p.m., as I stumbled to the Fresh Grocer Redbox, it began to dawn on me that maybe tequila is not my friend. Oh sweet Redbox, so cheap 'n' easy, so unused by Quakers. It’s crazy how many movies can fit in this machine. After scrolling through all the standard blockbusters, the real magic of the Redbox surfaces. Questions like “Why is there a sequel for every movie ever?” and “Literally what is this animated film?” start to arise. Weird kids’ movies you’ve never heard of are Redbox’s specialty. Highlights include “Indiana Pac and the Ghostly adventure” where Indiana Jones is played by Pacman, and “Cinderella: Once Upon A Time In the West” where a CGI deer plays Cinderella in a saloon. Like, why would kids watch that? My personal favorite, though, is “Foodfight.” With an almost indiscernible plot, “Foodfight” features Charlie Sheen as the voice of Charlie the Tuna, Wayne Brady as the Vlasic pickle stork, Hilary Duff as Twinkie the Kid and Eva Longoria as a very sexy Mrs. Butterworth. Not sure if this is commercialism or if it’s far more tongue–in–cheek than I'm giving it credit for. Either way, I had to have it. Unfortunately, I got caught up once the bars opened and continued my tequila buzz all the way through my rental period. I never did watch “Foodfight” before I had to return it to the box, but I’ll always know where to find it, and now so do you.
Sober:
Between Netflix, Hulu Plus and iTunes movie rentals, the idea that anyone would make not one but two trips to Fresh Grocer for movies is remarkable to me. But hey, I’ve never tried Redbox, and I figured there has to be a reason they’re still in business. And as anyone who’s ever ordered a Wawa sandwich knows, there is something strangely enjoyable about ordering things via touch screen. As I began to scroll through the selection, my skepticism was immediately confirmed. The selection of movies ranged from random (think “Escape Plan”) to horrific (like “Bad Grandpa”). I settled for “Last Vegas,” because don’t try to tell me there’s not something endearing about Robert DiNiro and Morgan Freeman heading to Vegas for one last bachelor party with the gang. Unfortunately, the movie sucked, and when it was over I had to trek back to 40th and Walnut to return it. It’s back to Netflix for me, so that I can watch “Goofy Movies” and “TV Dramas Featuring a Strong Female Lead” without ever leaving my bed.
