I said BRRR. It’s cold in here. There must be some gossip in the atmosphere. The temperature may be dropping, but Highbrow is just heating up. Grab your texting gloves, ducklings, because it’s gonna get a little nippy.
Speaking of nipples, Beige Block was treated to the Jewish Full Monty during last week’s blizzard. Chai-brow hears that the Chosen residents of 41st Street were forced to take a naked stroll after losing a game of beer pong. Maybe they were performing a mitzvah for their jappy neighbors? Regardless, we hope they didn’t freeze their tuchuses off. Oy vey!
A new chapter has opened up in Penn’s own West (Philadelphia) Side Story. We’re talking, of course, about the THEOS and Oz rivalry. Forced to choose between Wild Wednesdays and Chancellor Day Parties, Class of 2017’s sceniest males elected an alpha to make the decision for all of them. With the backing of the Wizard himself, our fearless freshman clicked his heels three times and created the Oz 2014 pledge class. Poor Theos—you haven’t been this irrelevant since you were on–campus.
While we’re on the subject of Sammy (which we rarely are), two of XO’s newest biddies literally raised the roof at the frat’s bid day party. As Pitbull sang “It’s about to go down,” the duo took down the basement ceiling via manic fist–pumping and aggressive gyrating. But due to Ke$ha’s cries of “Timber!”, guests emerged unharmed and unfazed. It will definitely be a night Sammy won’t forget.
And now, for the first time, we welcome Theta Xi to the Round Up! After ZTA backed out of a bid night party, our newcomers hired two strippers to supply some estrogen to their newest pledges. But the freshmen were treated to more than just lap dances and cooter shooters. Allegedly, the brothers paid the strippers $100 to pee on their biddies, which they readily did. What a way to make your Highbrow debut, Theta Xi! Maybe one day you’ll have champagne showers instead of urine showers.
