Q: Can someone be allergic to semen? I think I am.
A: Yes, you stupid bitch! You can be allergic to practically anything—how else do you think people get singles in the Quad? Miss Cassandra also used to fear a semen allergy in her younger years, but she soon realized her aversion was merely psychological. As a grown–up, I quickly learned to become accustomed to the salty taste and arousing texture. And you, my pet, will learn that soon enough.
But if you truly are allergic to semen, sweetie, then that needs to be sorted out. First and foremost, get you and your alleged allergies to a doctor. Run a few tests in order to determine whether or not you actually have a semen allergy. This can be done by a quick skin check in which the doctor places a diluted semen solution on your skin and observes the reaction. Alternatively, you can get a lover to just release some of his special sauce onto your nubile body. If it’s hives and not herpes, then bless your heart. Miss Cassandra has heard of some bizarre processes to desensitize your nether regions for semen allergies. They’re even raunchier than my usual choreography.
Have a question for Miss Cassandra? Email it to highbrow@34st.com.
