This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013
“Follow that Sound”—Sharon Little
Philly–born Sharon Little is signed to CBS records, and her tunes show up all over random episodes of CBS staples like “The Good Wife” and “NCIS.” “Follow That Sound” is just some typical poppy R&B. We’re indifferent towards it. I mean, my Mighty Wings will taste good with almost any soundtrack, right?
“A Million Years”—David Gray
This is a bonus track off of a David Gray album that is universally regarded as totally mediocre. As such, it’s extra (like bonus, GET IT?) mediocre.
“It Takes Two”—Marvin Gaye & Kim Weston
Fucking classic, McDonald’s. Killing it with this one. We may or may not have been dancing and miming the duet going on here. Okay, so maybe we weren’t, but seriously, this song rocks our socks off and if it doesn’t rock yours off as well, then McDonald’s doesn’t want you anyway.
“Selfish One”—Jackie Ross
More of a classic Motown feel, lesser known, but nonetheless still good. She’s kind of a one–hit wonder with “Selfish One,” but we don’t hate it.
“This Heart of Mine”—Jason Castro
And now we’ve delved into some weird territory with American Idol Season who–gives–a–shit contestant Jason Castro. All we’ve got to say about this song is that it’s almost as stupid as this guy’s dreadlocks.
“Hello Stranger”—Queen Latifah
Suprise! Queen Latifah apparently dropped two jazz standards albums between 2004 and 2007. “Hello Stranger” is a Barbara Lewis cover that came out on the first of these CDs. More importantly, though, as this song comes on at 40th and Walnut streets, a number of patrons proceed to sing along in unison. Still weird, but also completely awesome.
“Days That Are Over”—Sondre Lerche
Deeper confusion settles in as a song off of Norwegian singer–songwriter Sondre Lerche’s second album comes on. Lerche is one of those artists whose entire discography Pitchfork has reviewed, but this particular single falls strictly into the unadventurous indie pop category, and, hot damn, this must be a weird satellite radio station.
“My Girl”—The Temptations
Little known fact: This was originally a love song written about Big Macs. Just kidding, but it’s inarguably the highlight of the 40th and Walnut soundtrack sample we’re hearing.
“The Heart of the Matter”—India.Arie
R&B singer India.Arie whines—er, sings—about relationships and stuff. Bottom line: It’s a real downer of an R&B song. Where we’re looking for “blah blah take your clothes off,” we get “blah blah doesn’t love me anymore.” Pass.
“That’s Life”—Peter Grant
Peter Grant is an jazzy–pop–singing Brit who only has 6,000 likes on Facebook. This song isn’t even on Youtube. But maybe that’s because it just sounds like knockoff Sinatra. And we might love it for that reason.
