If You Buy AN:
Under Armour Women’s Studio Full Zip Stand ($74.98)
You Are:
An early morning person with an absolutely perfect life.
So you’re one of those “healthy” people, aren’t you? Running around campus at 7 a.m. with your cute, fit jogging buddies and already–toned muscles becoming more defined by the step? Judging the people eating their first brunch of the day at Chipotle? Well, don’t you feel foolish now.
If You Buy A:
Holloway University of Pennsylvania Custom Jacket ($354.98)
You Are:
A sad freshman who already misses his high school glory days.
Outside of "Grease 2" (oh, and its prequel), we’re pretty sure no one wore varsity jackets in high school. But that doesn’t mean you never pined for one. Next up for you: scoring a man–sized locker that you can decorate to totally reflect your, like, unique personality.
If You Buy A:
Klutch Side Glitter Teardrop Tank ($29.98)
You Are:
An inner lax bro fighting to come out.
The tank's reversible fabric makes it optimal for those who aim to do laundry as little as possible. Unfortunately, if you have to buy one of these, chances are you aren’t really on the lacrosse team.
If You Buy A:
Penn College Kids Infant Bodysuit ($19.98)
You Are:
A legit baby. Aww.
Nothing screams “legacy” like a Penn onesie.
If You Buy A:
Champion Penn Mom
T–Shirt ($18.98)
You Are:
A very happy mother.
First: mazel on your child getting into Penn! You deserve to be proud. But seriously, how did you find this magazine?
