Did you have, like, the best Fall Break, like, ever? You just went home? Yeah, I figured from all the snapchats of your dog. P.S. he’s not that cute. Omg, did you hear what happened? You missed so much. Here, let us fix your FOMO.
Dome in the foam! Dome in the foam! Two foamy freshman dancing in ZBT, doing more than K–I–S–S–I–N–G. Under the not–so–subtle cover of foam, one freshman proceeded to receive oral sex from his loving partner. Whoa, this is not your mommy’s bubble bath. A few spectators took note of the couple enjoying more than the music. We hope they gave them a head’s up.
Speaking of seeing random genitals, an Elmo off–campus party took it all off this past weekend. Literally. The house hosted a naked party, in which the invitees were advised to come in any state of undress, although most opted for their birthday suits. The partygoers engaged in interesting conversation, ranging from “Wow, this Bankers is amazing!” to “Did you really pierce your nipples?” Insiders report no boners were spotted, although a good time was had by all.
While the Elmo–ers were rocking out with their cocks out, important things were happening abroad at Oktoberfest. Highbrow hears reports of one junior who blacked out at 11 a.m. after taking shots to pregame the esteemed international beer–fest. Althought he never made it to the actual event that day, he did have the opportunity to explore Munich. The boy found himself lying on a random road after blacking back in at 3 p.m., clutching a pizza and devoid of dignity. Hey, it’s not all bad, we’ve woken up to worse than pizza.
In another story involving bodily waste, shit hit the fan for one PiKapp boy last week. Or, should we say bed? Apparently, the boy purposefully relieved himself (read: pooped) on a girl’s bed after their hook up. Talk about shitty situations. The boy not only bragged to his bros about his hook up, but also about his parting gift. Definitely more awkward than a morning–after text.
