Fall break is officially over and you know what that means: Amy Gutmann has seen her shadow, so it’s six more weeks of Owls gossip! Here are some fine bits of bread, ducklings.
Highbrow hears that a Tri–Delt in Econ 1 said—well, Highbrow overheard her say to the hot guy who sits in front of Highbrow. It's not like she's too cool for Highbrow. She borrowed a pen from Highbrow once. She just has a lot of friends in the class. Anyway, the goss: she got too drunk at Smoke's this weekend and they have a mixer this week. On a Wednesday. Yeah, during the week. Not the weekend. We’ll let that speak for itself.
OH MY GOD, wait, a freshman definitely puked in Allegro. Highbrow heard from two workers cleaning it up that it was totally disgusting. According to a janitor on site, “a freshman puked.” Eyewitness accounts have verified that was pretty embarrassing for that freshman. Highbrow has never puked in public because Highbrow is very classy. Actually, that is not entirely true. Highbrow once went to Six Flags with this girl that Highbrow liked a lot. I didn’t want to go on Kingda Ka, but she was like, what are you, a pussy?
Looks like some boots aren’t made for walkin’: Highbrow hears that some freshman girls couldn't make the walk to the Quad and had to be MERT–ed leaving Castle. Um, that’s a really short walk. Get it together ladies. Apparently, they were taken to HUP in an ambulance, which is also funny, because the hospital is like RIGHT there. I mean, come on.
Apparently, some like it hot! A dear friend of Highbrow, no names don’t worry, has been hooking up with a guy and he called her last night drunk and said a different girl’s name. Pretty scandalous. Is he also sleeping with someone named “Sarah”? Maybe, who knows. Girls at Penn always go for these guys who don’t care about them at all. Highbrow just wants to find a nice girl and when Penn girls go for guys like this... all I'm saying I would never cheat on you with some floozy named Sarah. I WOULD NEVER. I mean, I'm fine with being just friends. I know we've been over this before. Sorry. I’m so sorry.
