6:45 a.m.: Alarm goes off for running club morning practice. Why am I doing this again? Snoozed.
6:56 a.m.: Receive text, “Hey do you still want to go later?” Um, not a chance. Not even my M&T roommate is up before 8.
3:50 p.m.: Stomach grumbles. I haven’t eaten lunch and I instinctively walk to Chipotle.
4:07 p.m.: “You want chicken and steak?” Bitch, I might. I might also want cheese, corn, white rice, pinto beans, salsa and guac. Yes, I know it’s extra.
4:30 p.m.: Sporting a serious food baby as I walk back to the Quad.
5:30 p.m.: Grab unopened shoebox from under my bed. Neon orange Nike Frees, purchased two months ago, still haven’t been worn. Snapchat photo to running club friend captioned, “Getting cold feet.” I crack myself up.
5:43 p.m.: Lululemon leggings, Nike Frees, “2011 L.A. Half–Marathon” T–shirt. Can you say sceney?
5:50 p.m.: Meet friend at Upper Quad Gate. “I think they said it’s only five miles today.” Only? I pray I don’t birth my food baby all over the ground.
5:56 p.m.: Arrive at Pottruck. So many skinny bitches. Whatever, I had Chipotle, and you didn’t.
5:58 p.m.: Introduce myself to a cute French sophomore. Try to gauge his sexuality but his tights aren't helping. Nice package though.
5:59 p.m.: “Your name eez Elie, like ze lady who sang at ze royal wedding?” Frenchie is definitely gay.
6:02 p.m.: We start jogging at a leisurely pace. Ok, I’ve got this.
6:05 p.m.: Why are we speeding up? People do this voluntarily? Who are they? Why do they exist?
6:08 p.m.: Starting to lose the pack. “Go. On. Without. Me,” I sputter between breaths.
6:12 p.m.: Wheezing sets in and I self–diagnose myself with severe asthma. Beyoncé is not helping me through this one. I’m sorry Queen Bey, this girl is not running the world.
6:14 p.m.: Fuck it, I’m walking.
6:15 p.m.: Call PennRide, but they won’t pick me up at this hour. Where is my tuition going if not this? Amy Gutmann’s peacoat collection?
6:21 p.m.: Check email as I walk through College Green. One new message—Weight Watchers promotional sales. The irony.
