MCNEIL BUILDING—At 1:45 p.m. today, sources confirmed that the sun was shining a little bit brighter, the birds were chirping a little bit louder and the gentle smile of the archangel Gabriel was just a little bit wider after Wharton senior Tony Jet concluded his interview with Merrill Lynch.
“I think it went really well, thanks for asking,” he said.
The interviewer, Maria Shark—a Merrill Lynch associate banker and Penn alumnus who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity—seems to agree with Mr. Jet's assessment.
“He's a very capable and talented young individual. I think he has a very bright future ahead of him, if not at Merrill Lynch, then at some other firm. I’m sure he will get many offers.”
However, Tony remains realistic about his job prospects.
“Listen, it’s a tough job market, but anyone would be lucky to wind up with Merrill Lynch,” he said. “Why, did she ask about me?”
Maria, meanwhile, has intimated that Merrill Lynch has really only been thinking about Tony this whole time.
“Yeah, I think he's great, man. I think he's going places, and Merrill Lynch would love to be a part of that,” she said. “I’m gonna call him, I just don’t know what to say yet.”
When asked to reveal his true feelings for the investment banking and wealth management division for Bank of America, Tony finally did so.
“I mean, do I like it like it?” he quietly questioned, breathing unevenly. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
At press time, Tony was reportedly spotted leaping into the air, tilting his body just so and snapping his fingers together mid–jump before landing softly onto the West Side Manhattan streets of 1957.
