Welcome back, kiddies. Did you have a nice Yom Kippur? Highbrow did. While most of campus made a mass exodus back to Long Island and North Jersey, we were here: watching, waiting, commiserating.
We hear you blew more than the shofar. ;)
Ooh, la, la! The AXO girls got quite the eyeful at their chapter meeting on Sunday. Or rather, we hear they might have needed binoculars. Due to some technical difficulties with their chapter house, the AXO sisters held their chapter meeting at a nearby frat. Amidst the discussion of the sorority's next philanthropic event, the bros decided to do service of their own: one boy went streaking through the meeting. Rumor has it the streaker may have been impromptu auditioning for BMOC. Instead, the sisters found him better suited for Small Man on Campus.
Who ever said Penn kids aren’t humanitarian? After losing her friends, one engineering sophomore decided to befriend a homeless lady. Learning of the woman’s difficult story, the generous sophomore did her best to help out... by trying to Venmo the homeless woman child support. Shockingly, the mother did not have an iPhone, and was unable to accept the payment. Untapped market? We don’t know; maybe Venmo should look into it.
Bringing creepy to a whole new level, the welcoming brothers of Oz and APES hosted their own orientation to campus at a Charles Plaza BYO this weekend, open only to freshman girls. Luring female freshies from the quad with the promises of free alcohol and mediocre lo mein, the boys engaged in conversation like “What classes are you taking?” and “Wow, that’s so cool you’re thinking about majoring in English.” We’re not sure what’s more fascinating—how the boys found these girls or that freshman girls think APES is relevant?
In an unlikely turn of events, testosterone raged just as hard as the freshmen girls at a Theos downtown in our most hate crime–y story of the week. Racial slurs flew as a St. A’s boy and a Theos bro got into a fight...over Judaism. Turning into a full–blown holy war, several boys came home bloody and bruised. Oy vey!
