L’Shana Tova, bitches! The year is 5774 and you know what that means? It’s time for some resolutions. Highbrow resolves to always bring you the best weekly gossip. Let’s start now.
One new Pennyloafer baby stepped up at their initiation party this weekend after hitting one too many high notes. After an intense bonding sesh with her melodious new friends, the girl in question was fashionably escorted from the party… by the MERT team. Aca–awkward. We hope she got her Penny’s worth.
Although we thought it was impossible for our nocturnal friends in OWLS to fall further, after this past weekend’s Zetes Late Night, they might have hit rock bottom. Amid the dark, smoky halls of 34th and Walnut, it was OWL v. OWL in the brawl for one girl. A crowd of Zetes guys broke it up, but not before the boys got bloody and bruised. Luckily no one was hurt, the only real harm inflicted was to their reputation.
Our freshly MERTed Pennyloafer friend wasn’t the only one who failed to perform under the influence. Nervous about try–outs, one freshman pregamed his Penn Hype audition a little too aggressively, showing up intoxicated. Dancing behind everyone, the boy soon made it obvious that he was much too Hyped up. The inebriated frosh was asked to leave. Maybe he should try out for Penn Mock Trial next time. We hear they’re more low–key.
High–waisted shorts may be in, but we know something a little more chic: breaking bottles over frat bros’ heads. A visiting LAX dude got a little too social at the Social Ivy on Friday. Despite the fact that he didn’t even go here, the bro was all too comfortable drinking all day and scarfing down caffeine pills to rage at a senior girls’ party. Perhaps he just wasn’t accustomed to the skinny–jeaned, face–kissing foreigners that permeate Penn’s parties. When one Castle monsieur entered the party, the heavily caffeinated LAXer greeted our foreign friend by breaking a bottle over his head. Highbrow hears the Castle bro was upset it wasn’t a bottle of Grey Goose.
