1. Approach the bar knowing what you want. 2. Lean into the bar and have cash or a card ready. 3. Have patience. Screaming “Hey, bartender!” is more likely to get you served a watered–down drink with a splash of spit than it is to get you decent service. 4. For mixed drinks, order alcohol first then chasers. It’s a vodka cranberry, not a cranberry vodka. For beer, call out a name. Nothing screams my ID is as real as McLovin’s like saying “umm, I don’t know, do you guys have, like, Natty Lite?” You want a Rolling Rock? Say so. Confidence is key. 5. Tip your bartender! In the words of Smokes bartender Jack Smith, tipping should be “a beautiful symbiotic relationship where [the customers] give money and I make their drinks better.” Win win.
BAR SPEAK Tall: the same amount of alcohol served with more chaser in a bigger glass Back: a non–alcoholic chaser, usually to accompany a shot Sour: mixed with lemon or lime, sugar and spirits of choice Neat: alcohol sans ice and mixer On the rocks: with ice Double: twice the liquor
TIPS FROM THE PROS • If you’re not sure what kind of beer you like, give the bartender specifics for what you do and don’t like (i.e. heaviness, alcohol content, bitterness). Warning: light and dark are colors, not descriptors. Be more specific. • Unless you specify the brand of alcohol you want, you’ll be getting bottom shelf liquor. Don’t order a whiskey sour and expect Crown Royal. • Memorize: salt, tequila, lime. • Be concise. Bartenders are a busy breed, so don’t waste their time. • If you ask the bartender to surprise you, prepare to be surprised… very surprised. • If you want a strong drink, ask for a double or tip really well. Telling the bartender “make it good” won’t get you anywhere. • Don’t order your drink and then leave. It’s a bar, not a game of “Where’s Waldo?” • Go easy on your bartender. If it’s a busy night, don’t order a dirty girl scout, mojito or other drinks that are difficult to make. • “Please” and “thank you” aren’t just for your parents.
