GO TO CLASS EVERY DAY Why it Won’t Happen: It’s gonna start slow. Like, first, you’re at every class. And you are participating and you are active and everyone loves you. But then, one day, you’ll say, “Hmm, DRL is great, but know what’s greater? Not going to DRL.” What we’re trying to say here is it’s never too early to develop senioritis.
GO TO POTTRUCK IN THE MORNING WIWH: Getting up to go to class is already hard enough. But getting up to run a whole mile (last week you were gunning for 5k, but clearly that was a bit unreasonable)? You’re only human. Also, isn’t walking to class considered exercise? Pretty sure the answer is duh.
STOP PROCRASTINATING WIWH: We’ll tell you later.
BEFRIEND A PROFESSOR WIWH: You already have a hard time keeping in touch with your friends from high school, freshman year hall and parents. How in the world are you expected to forge a relationship with a surly old man when you can’t even manage to grab that coffee you’ve been meaning to have with your freshman year roommate? Better to just sit in the front row, smile awkwardly during lecture and hope he remembers your face.
SPEND LESS MONEY WIWH: Realistically, we could all probably afford to go on that fabulous Spring Break trip to (insert Spanish–speaking country here) if we stopped eating Wawa hoagies and binging on late night McDonald’s. But come on, are we expected to starve after midnight?
DO ALL THE READINGS WIWH: Sure, you’ll be gung–ho about this in the first few weeks of the semester, but look at all those woooorrrrddsss. Just looking at them makes you sleepy. Besides, textbooks are super good at propping up your dining room table’s lazy leg, and you gotta eat. Better keep them under there.
DON'T BROWSE THE INTERNET WHILE IN CLASS WIWH: It’s not that your professor is boring. It’s just that you’ve been expecting a Very Important Email all day, and who knows when it’s going to arrive, so you better keep checking. Also, ooh, remember so–and–so at that party? Better look at his Facebook to see if he posted anything else. Oh, he posted an article from Buzzfeed: “21 Most Nostalgic Disney Princesses and Also Delicious Food.” And wait, the Flannel Shop is having a sale on flannel? Oh my god. Oh, wait, class is over?
MAKE YOUR BED EVERY MORNING WIWH: Let’s just say it takes you one minute to make your bed every morning. That translates to more than six hours per year used on bed making. If you live until you’re 80 years old, that’s two or three weeks of your life spent on straightening and fluffing sheets and pillows. I don’t know about you, but if I were on my deathbed and somebody handed me the gift of a sprightly three additional weeks to live (preferably in Hawaii), then I’d take it.
FIND A SIGNIFICANT OTHER WIWH: Oh, honey.
GET A 4.0 THIS SEMESTER WIWH: OK Freshmen—you’ve all heard that you won’t get a 4.0 here at Penn... and you all think you’re the exception to that, but Street’s here to tell you that you’re not. You can’t be bothered with studying for classes when you’re getting SuPeR schwastey with your hall xoxoxox ;)!!! After all, now is the time to create that hole you’ll all be pulling yourselves out of for semesters to come.
EXPLORE PHILLY MORE WIWH: Restaurant Week. First Friday. Bar Crawls. Philly has so much to offer, and you swear you’ll go check it all out... next weekend. P.S. Next weekend = every weekend; you’re lucky if you get out of the Penn bubble once a semester. Philly, it’s not you, it’s us.
GO TO BED EARLIER WIWH: The internet exists. And it is a beautiful (read: terrible) place.
