Poor Penne. It might be the most tubular pasta, but as a restaurant, it falls kind of flat. Luckily for this smoke-free establishment, 34th Street Magazine is incapable of ignoring a pun. Let's dig Inn (at Penn).
SOBER As a cheerful hostess led me into Penne, I found that its all–brown interior and jazzy elevator music reminded me of dinner at my local Midwestern mall. I sat in a low, beige booth and looked around to find an absolutely empty dining room—save one elderly couple and a few silent bar–goers—and figured that I was in for a long meal. My waiter soon brought warm bread and olive oil to my rescue before taking my order for pasta with bolognese sauce. Within five minutes my dish appeared, steaming hot. Long, wide pappardelle noodles tasted chewier and less rich than they looked. And the runny tomato sauce with spare chunks of meat wasn’t much better. A hefty dose of melted Parmesan cheese highlighted the plate but didn’t compensate for the all–around bland experience. At $16 plus tax and tip, I’m not hesitant to describe what I ate as overpriced hotel food. In a way, it was the worst definition of OK: not horrible enough to be offensive yet nowhere near the mark of delicious or interesting.
DRUNK I am drunk at the Inn at Penn. This is too weird. I clearly stand out in my Penn apparel. Dressed to go to the football game, I’m in jean shorts and a baseball cap. That guy at the bar is in a suit, what?! We sit down, and our waiter turns on the fake candle in the middle of the table. The fake flickering flame and the elevator music in the background really set the mood. Great date place, boyz! Thank God our waiter brings the bread basket right away. I hate when they make you wait because they want you to order when you’re super hungry. The bread is SO GOOD. All nice and warm with some olive oil and salt, yum. The pasta may have been a bad choice though. It is delicious, but keeping that pappardelle on my fork is sooo hard. Eventually I give up and chop it into little pieces like my mom did for me when I was five. Ooh, maybe I’ll take my parents here over parents’ weekend! Overall, this place is great! But I have to say I was really looking forward to having penne at Penne, and it’s not even on the menu! What an outrage.
HIGH We need bread. Okay the waiter poured water, but seriously where is the bread? This restaurant is #industrializedhighculture #comm123. Mass culture is so subjective though. Let’s go to Koch’s tomorrow. Yay BREAD! Margarita flatbread ($10) was a little too doughy and very dry. The Bianco flatbread ($14) was too salty and I honestly can’t tell you what it tasted like but I had two pieces. It’s 6:45 and we’re one of three tables still in here. Last ones standing. Alright it’s time for more food. Yay more food! The Cavatelli with pesto ($13, tastes more like Linguine and clam sauce, which I maybe should be concerned about but I will proceed to eat the entire bowl. We ordered just a regular bowl of penne with red sauce in the spirit of being at Penne. The sauce tastes like water,and the pasta doesn’t really seem like it’s cooked all the way through. And so it doesn’t really taste like anything, but I keep eating it so I can actually taste something in hopes that if I eat enough of it will feel like I’m eating something because I’m so hungry. When you go to Penne (which you shouldn’t ever do) don’t order the penne.
