THE FAST IS OVER! Jews, grab your bread. Catholics, grab your sweets. Everyone and anyone, get excited for The Final Countdown. Fling. John Legend. 4/20. SUMMATIME. All in a matter of weeks. We hope you're prepared. But here's some gozzzzip to hold you over.
Two frat houses, both alike in dignity, in fair West Philly where we lay our scene: two similarly–named Greek organizations held an event at a local children's arcade this past weekend. Though all alcohol was confiscated on the bus ride over, some attendees still managed to get their drink on… so much so that several of them lost their lunch on the bumper cars. After the vomiting incident, staff kicked the partygoers out of the fun zone. Parting is such sweet sorrow, isn't it? At least there was skeeball.
The girls of SDT did not go hungry this holiday season. Highbrow hears that the house chef prepared all kosher–for–Passover meals throughout the week, ensuring no JAP went hungry. However, the gentile chef was unable to cook on Easter Sunday, so she got her charges $10 Sweetgreen gift cards instead. Are we even surprised?
Penn is in the middle of some major aca–drama following last weekend's Off The Beat concert. Penny Loafers, famously known for the award–winning "Penn's Stepping Up," has accused OTB of stepping on their indie/alternative pop genre, which in a capella world is UN. FOR. GIVE. ABLE. Apparently, OTB even performed a song at their concert previously covered by the Loaf! Quick, somebody call Elizabeth Banks! We think we've found the plot for "Pitch Perfect 2."
In act of sheer jokery, Sweetgreen and Chipotle embarrassed self–conscious eaters everywhere on April Fool's Day. The two Walnut Street favorites switched take–out bags, sending burrito–loving and kale–obsessed customers into a tizzy. SDT was especially confused when they went to redeem their gift cards.
Ever feel like you spend all of your time in Huntsman? Showering, eating, you don't ever need to leave! Even choking the chicken can be accomplished in the hallowed bathroom stalls… just ask one FIJI lad, who took matters into his own hands. Sources say that the boy was interrupted while polishing the rocket. That must have been aca–awkward.
