Congratulations, freaks. You truly outdid yourselves this weekend. Even with the rain, Girl Talk and basically no Chancellor darty (#notoverit), you managed to shine bright like Tyga’s diamond grill. Read it and weep, children. This is the last Round Up of the year. And we are not apologizing for it.
Let’s start off with our drunken GF in AXO who just could not hold it in at St. A’s Fling bash. Highbrow hears that the girl climbed to the very top of the firescape to relieve herself. Cuz you know that’s the place to do it. But alas, the girl did not realize the platform was grated, and the partygoers below were treated to a golden shower for a lengthy two minutes. Nothing like a drunk girl to rain on your parade, amiright Babs?
The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board was on the prowl this past weekend and Theos was its first kill. On the Thursday night of their annual Fling downtown, the cops allegedly shut down the on–campus pregame and refused to let attendees exit without showing a 21+ ID. Since most of them were not of age, the situation got a little tricky. Sources say a total of 31 students were cited and given court dates, some just for being at the pregame. Sucks to suck, Theos. At least your parents can pay someone off to make this all go away.
Fling isn’t just for Penn students; sometimes, your friendly neighborhood coke dealer sneaks in to join the fun. Highbrow hears a West Philly blow dealer lost 10 grams of cocaine while flinging with her favorite customers over the weekend. But don’t cry yet! Allegedly, she later located her product nestled safely in her vag. Which we guess makes sense? It just seems like a lot of coke to stick up your hooch without noticing. But maybe we’re just inexperienced. But then again, 10 GRAMS. You know what’s the same size as 10 grams of cocaine? A mouse.
Jealous of your friends who headed over to Nova for Alesso on Friday night? Don’t be. Sources say one Penn student was thrown in Alesso Jail after a display of public intoxication and failing to produce ANY form of identification. Alesso Jail consisted of a group of unruly drunken concert–goers, roped off by security and denied human rights. But with the peacekeeping of a true Quaker, the girl became Alesso Jail's most well–behaved prisoner, earning her early release. A parade is set for later this week.
