Drunk
Monday night 9 p.m., drunk. Great life decisions.
The big man is scared of a cat. Oh nope, the cat is much bigger when you’re closer to it.
What barbarian is named Eve? Oh nope, the barbarian’s name is Eep.
Family problems are prevalent even with the barbarians.
The stuffed animal is just a dead animal... Literally stuffed lolol
FIYA!!!!! the roof is on fiya
I bet this is about barbarians living among like current society.
What the fuck is that animal mutant behind you!!!!!
Omg barbarians in love?
The male barbarian looks like Jim Carey.
Omg the road is splitting!!!!! Get toooo the cave!!
Shit was cray, rocks falling on rocks on rocks on rocks. Dad saving kids “Lion King” style?
We can’t be out in the open this long we must find a cave!!! Symbolic/motifc
This dizzy shot. Every thing is beautiful though so colorful
HOLY SHIT THE BOY BETTER COME PROTECT HER WITH THE FIRE FROM THE BIRD THAT EAT PEOPLE’s flesh.
Why is this PG?
Omg so chaotic as the fire spreads.
The dad is trying to kill the mother in law by giving her a hear attack? lol too real
“Animals we don’t eat we call children” lol moral of the movie.
She just popped an egg to seduce him... SEXUAL!!!
She stood at the edge, saw the light, she fell she slipped and she flew... TO TOMORROW
IF U HAVE ANY OTHER PACE THAN WANDER LET ME KNOW.
The barbarians getting shoes, ‘where are my feet?’
The barbarian boy is sexy seriously. Right? My friend agrees.
He got a pet... He threw a shell out of surprise and it went to go roll over!!! And the dog rolls over the cliff... HAHA. Goodbye, dog.
Take us to tomorrow, we are gonna ride the sun to Tomorrow???? In other words: they’re gonna die.
What’s there at “tmrw”? Tmrw is love. PREACH.
THE DAD IS SECRETLY JESUS IS BRINGING THEM TO TOMORROW AND HE IS GONNA SACRIFICE HIMSELF
This is like Armageddon the world coming to an end and the dad sacrificing himself.
Painting a family portrait with dust as he’s alone. I am most likely going to cry.
The tiger and the dad become friends. So adorable.
Moral of the story: follow the light.
High
I walk into the movie late—choosing to wait in the snack line over not missing the beginning was a Sophie’s choice decision.
Is the girl who’s voiced by Emma Stone supposed to look like Emma Stone? She does. I mean, she has red hair too.
The younger brother caveman speaks for the first time. “It’s Dale from 'Greek'!” says my partner–in–crime Roe Ranch.
Wait… okay, so apparently there’s a huge earthquake that destroys their cave and reveals this lush magical fantasyland. It’s Dr. Seuss colorful with giant pastel tigers and other enormous predators—is that a walking whale? “This is what exists in a fruit loop box,” says R.R. Wasn’t this movie supposed to take place in the Stone Age?
This movie is so complex. First I thought it was set in the past but now I think it’s set in the future. Hardcore magical realism.
The caveman family meets a caveman boy traveling alone who inexplicably knows how to make fire, eats with silverware, wears shoes and has a pet sloth. The attempted romantic plotline between the Emma Stone girl and caveman boy makes me want to vomit up nacho cheese.
I’m almost thinking that the dad caveman is the best dad in the world. Then I remember he’s voiced by Nicholas Cage. Now the world is ending and the only way they can survive is if the dad sacrifices himself. The final goodbyes are equally absurd and moving. Is this a religious allegory? False alarm, he survives too. Was this a family–friendly romantic comedy? Or a deeply disturbing end–of–the–world religious epic? Hard to say. Maybe the cavemen family died in the earthquake early on and the rest of the movie is Heaven. The end.
Sober
It’s better to judge Dreamworks’ “The Croods” by its cover. The premise—that a family of cavemen must leave its home when Pangea starts to break apart—is merely an excuse to set up a train of magnificent, Technicolor setpieces. While the film's flora and fauna are strikingly beautiful, the character animation on the titular family is stunningly bad. Their bodies seem to be in constant unnecessary motion, and their dilated eyes reach a new summit of the uncanny valley. This, combined with the odd editing choice to use “shaky cam,” distracts from the otherwise lavish eye candy.The film tries hard to be character–driven, focusing on an overprotective–father–rebellious–daughter subplot that was done much better in “The Little Mermaid” (or even the more recent “Hotel Transylvania”), but is slogged down by its heavy dependence on common family film tropes. That said, the characters and understated jokes come into their own as the film progresses, and “The Croods” even manages to hit a note of poignancy by Act Three. Overall, it’s a truly gorgeous romp—although with all those screeching kids in the theater, I wish I saw it drunk.
