11:30 am: Walk in to Cavs. Realize I’ve never been here before midnight. Or with the intent of sitting down and staying.
11:31 am: Are they open? Are they serving brunch? Where is everybody?
11:32 am: Look around for a sign of life, even if it’s a cockroach.
11: 33 am: Hooray! Waiter appears, all smiles. “Sit wherever you want” he insists. It’s hard to pick a spot since every table is empty.
11:36 am: Order coffee and look over the menu. Food and booze offerings are almost equal in length.
11:40 am: Drinks arrive!!! The spicy bloody mary ($6) is quite tasty. The coffee “is being brewed." You mean not a lot of people come to Cavs for a caffeine fix?!
11:50 am: Coffee ($2) arrives in “Kahlua” mugs. How appropriate. Remarkably mediocre and drinkable.
11:55 am: Down my drink when I realize the food should be coming soon.
11:58 am: Food is here! It looks kind of pretty! The big bowl of fresh fruit is an unexpected surprise.
12:00 pm: Pretty sure this is the same french toast my mom used to make out of Wonderbread ($8.99). Whatever, challah is pretentious. Too bad this sausage is made of rubber so I can’t cut it with my knife.
12:05 pm: Try my friend’s eggs benedict ($8.99). The egg is surprisingly well poached, the yolk is nice and runny. But that “Hollandaise” sauce looks radioactive. I’ve had worse, but I’ve definitely had better.
12:12 pm: Realize the whole “coffee is ok” thing was a delusion. This is gross and burnt.
12:56 pm: Pay the bill while trying to rock out to the Siriux XM Country Music station that has been blaring all morning. Walk out and realize that it was more passable than I expected, but I’ll stick to the six packs from now on.
